Fangirl || Tyler Seguin

39

It's been about a month since Tyler and I broke up. He sends me texts every now and then asking if I'm okay to which I respond with 'yup' and leave it at that.

Jake and I have been hanging out everyday, as soon as I get off work. We're not in a relationship or anything like that, we're just two friends who like to screw around with each other.

I've been working on making myself more comfortable with being touched, Jake has been encouraging me to touch myself, so, maybe, I won't have a panic attack if he tries to touch me. So far, it's been working, we've been working slowly at it. I haven't been able to reach orgasm without freaking out but he's been able to touch me for a minute or two without me panicking.

I have my first therapy appointment in a few minutes. I'm nervous. I don't know how I'm supposed to open up to a complete stranger.

I thought about canceling the appointment because I was originally doing this for Tyler but then I thought about how it could be beneficial to me to overcome my trauma.

"Chloe Moseley!" A lady yelled into the waiting room. I got up and followed the lady.

"Hi, I'm your therapist, Karla, how are you today?" She asked.

"Nervous" I replied, quietly as we approached her office.

"Take a seat, what's making you nervous?" She asked.

"This is my first time going to therapy, I don't know how I'm gonna open up to a stranger" I replied.

"Think of me as not like a stranger but like a diary that gives you advice on how to cope with stressors and trauma" she told me. I nodded.

"So, let's start from the beginning, what was the first traumatic thing you remember going through?" She asked. I sighed as I thought about it.

"I think it's when my parents left my sister and I at a park to go do drugs in their car when I was four and my sister was one, my mom overdosed and my dad passed out, someone called 9-1-1, they got taken to a hospital and my sister and I were placed in foster care and we went back to their care about two weeks later" I told her.

"Do you feel like you were abandoned by them?" She asked.

"To a point but it became normal, they've abandoned me, my grandparents cut my entire family off because of my parents' drug use, most of my friends throughout my life have abandoned me. I've become numb to it for the most part" I explained. She nodded and took notes.

We spent the rest of the session talking about my trauma, how to cope with it, Tyler, ways I could avoid having a panic attack when trying to have sex.

"I'll see you in two weeks, sound good to you?" She asked as I got up from my seat.

"Yeah, that sounds good" I replied.

"Just schedule your next appointment at the front desk, and remember what I said! Have a sit down discussion with Tyler and explain how you're feeling, try not to blow up in anger!" She reminded me. I nodded and walked to the front desk to schedule my appointment.

I got my appointment scheduled and got out to my car.

I turned on my phone to see I had a missed call from Tyler. What could he possibly want? I sighed and decided to call him back.

The phone rang once before he answered. He was waiting by his phone.

"Hey!" He answered, sounding excited that I called him back.

"What did you want?" I asked, annoyed.

"I wanted to see how your therapy session went" he replied.

"How did you know I had therapy today?" I asked.

"You wrote it on the white board on the fridge and I have yet to erase it" he replied.

"My therapist recommended that I sit down and talk with you about what happened" I told him.

"Would you be able to do it today?" He asked.

"I guess. Lunch okay?" I asked.

"Sure, meet me at Qdoba at noon" he told me.

"Okay, see you then" I replied.

"Alright, love y- see you then" he said, stopping himself from saying he loved me. I hung up and pulled out of the parking lot.

-

Lunchtime came around, I just got to Qdoba. Tyler was sitting inside, already waiting at a table with food, he got my usual.

"Hey" Tyler greeted as I sat down.

"Hey." I replied.

"So, what did you wanna talk about?" He asked.

"My therapist said that we should talk about our break up" I answered.

"I miss you" he told me.

"Tyler, don't" I said.

"I do. I know I fucked up, Chloe. I made the worst mistake I could possibly make, I know Oettinger is better than me in every way possible" he stated.

"Tyler, Jake and I aren't together, we're good friends. He's my only friend, he was the only person I could turn to when I found out you cheated." I explained.

"You guys just seem like you're really friendly with each other, I won't be upset if you tell me you two are together" he replied.

"We're not together. We're close friends" I assured him.

"My therapist said that I should explain how I'm feeling about the situation to you." I told him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm hurt. I wanna know what I did wrong, what I did to deserve this" I replied.

"You didn't do anything, I was the one who fucked up and I fucked over the wrong person" he explained.

"She also said that some of our problems could stem from the fact that we weren't friends before we started dating" I told him.

"Can we be friends?" He asked.

"Yes, but don't expect for us to get back together" I told him.

"I'll take what I can get" he smiled.

We finished eating, I gave him a hug and left.