Why So Lonely? || Minsung 1/3 ✔️

154

It felt like it was all going downhill, further and further with no end. It started with Heetuk. I didn't want to blame him. He's not guilty for everything that's happened. Just most of it. I don't know how I was supposed to get past it.

-

Mom 🌺

i'm going to
the lake

It's a bit
cold.
Wear a coat.

i know

Be safe
Love u

love you too

- - - - -

I shove my phone in my pocket. At least I'm doing one thing right and telling my mom where I am. I shouldn't be such a bad son and make her worry.

The lake wasn't far from my house. A fifteen minute walk. It was a public area, but since it's been cold and rainy, no one really goes there. I really hope no one is there.

I walk down the dirt path, finding myself alone. The front was covered in sand, overgrown grass hanging at the sides. The water waved at me, almost inviting me to come in. I wanted to, badly. It was a bad idea. I knew it was.

But I couldn't help it. I was so pissed off. I needed to cool down. I needed to feel something that counteracted my anger.

I take my jacket off, goosebumps already rising on my skin. Shoes, pants, shirt. I won't be in there for long. I just need a quick... out.

I don't go in slowly. I run in, my body tensing at the chill. I ignore it, throwing my head under the water. It's like the steam rose off of my body. I swim out farther, pushing my muscles to exhaustion.

I dive under again, letting all of my air out into a muffled scream. It felt good. Screaming, even if my head was underwater. I gasp above, breathing in quickly. All of my adrenaline was slowly disappearing, peace beginning to settle within.

I don't understand why he likes to argue with me. I don't understand why he feels the need to lie. He's like a compulsive liar. He can't help it, even if it's something small.

I let my body float, my ears being just under the water, listening to the creatures below. Eugh. I hate that thought, actually.

Soon enough, I begin to let myself drift back toward shore. Though it felt like I just got here, the sun was telling me that it was much later. I take my time though; I'm not in a hurry. My mom knows where I am. That's all that matters.

I struggle to put my clothes back on. I'm wet, so the material sticks to my skin. I'm so lucky that I have a jacket. I'd get sick otherwise.

The walk back home is dreadful. I wanted to be there already, but I didn't want to see him. Unless he apologized, which would only happen if I was dying.

When I come up the sidewalk of my street, I shiver, pushing myself to walk faster. Now, my bones were beginning to freeze. I'm surprised my teeth weren't chattering.

"Jisung! Hey, why are you wet?" Changbin jogs down his driveway. His eyebrows are forced together, a frown pulling at his lips.

I swallow thickly, not meeting his eyes. "Just... went for a swim. What are you doing out here?"

"I was gonna leave to Hyunjin's. Why did you go swimming? It's freezing. You're shivering. Come on, get inside." He pulls me by my arm, dragging me into my house.

"What's the matter with you?" He scolds, turning around while I changed into sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. "Why did you think it was a good idea? You're gonna get sick."

"I never said it was a good idea. I just did it. I knew it wasn't good. But I'm okay now."

I come around, sitting on the bed. He pats my thigh, wrapping an arm around me.

"Why did you go in then?"

"I was mad."

"At what?"

"Heetuk. Myself. I don't know. We- we got into another argument. I needed to cool off."

"You're not supposed to take that expression seriously, Ji."

"I needed to feel something else other than anger. I needed to get my mind off of it."

"Did it work?"

"It did. For a bit. But... yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"...You look tired. Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, I will. Thanks."

"Love you kid."

"Love you too, hyung."

______

•Double update because I also need a quick out :/ if only there was a lake by my house•