Why So Lonely? || Minsung 1/3 ✔️

80

"Heetuk?"

I felt myself getting paler by the second. The color was draining from my face and I could feel the cold start to nibble at my skin. The oxygen had already left my lungs, long gone and never coming back. I couldn't do anything but stare ahead at my brother.

All this time, I felt anger toward him. I was pissed off at him. I wanted nothing to do with him. Now, I just wanted to cry. I was so hurt. He stabbed in me the back, and the scar was still there. It always would be.

"Jisung, who's at the- Heetuk?" My mom says, her face lighting up as she sees her son.

"Hey mom."

Hearing his voice made me want to leave. Every fiber in my body was telling me to get my shoes and leave, just run. Run as far away as I could. Yet my my feet were frozen to the wood floor, cemented there tightly.

My mom walks over, pulling her eldest son into her arms. She was crying; I could hear her small sniffles that were muffled by his blue sweatshirt.

I can't, my heart ached, I can't be here.

Letting go of the door, I let them have their moment. I ran to my room, not being able to take it any longer. I locked my door. I opened my windows all the way, the screen being pushed up as well. I needed to breathe. Thoughts were going through my mind at the speed of light.

How could she be so forgiving? How could he have just showed up without warning? Why was he here? To get forgiveness? Because that's not at all what he's going to get. He broke our bond, our family. He can't fix it. We can't go back to how we were, so why try? What did he expect?

A knock at my door left me stuck in my place.

"Jisung, can we talk?" His voice sounded desperate. I wonder if that's how my voice sounded when I begged him not to leave. He ignored that, so why shouldn't I ignore this?

"Please, I know you're in there. Just let me talk to you," I could hear his back sliding down my door. We were sitting just a piece of wood apart.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Liar.

"I know I shouldn't have left. She was manipulative. She treated me like shit, and yet I still followed her."

"This isn't her fucking fault, it's yours," I spat, tears beginning to spill over.

"I-I know. I know it is. Her and I are done. And I'm not here for forgiveness. I just want to talk. I'm sorry for leaving. For leaving you. I wasn't happy here-"

"I don't fucking believe that," I growl. "You and I both know mom and dad fight. You ever think I was happy? No, you didn't. All you did was think about yourself. All of the promises you made to stay with me were broken, are broken. And you can't fucking fix it. So I don't know what you're doing here, thinking that you can waltz back in here trying to explain yourself even though you left purely from selfishness.

"Do you know how much pain you've put me through? That you've put our family through? No. Because you. Weren't. Here. You didn't hear all of the arguments mom and dad had to go through because of you. You didn't see mom sobbing into my arms once dad left for work. You didn't see dad crying even when he's never once cried in front of me. You didn't see the pressure dad put on me since you decided to leave. You didn't see me breaking down into my friends' arms because I couldn't take it anymore. You didn't see me stress everything because of you. You didn't see me almost failing my classes because of you. You didn't see me almost ready to runaway like you did because I couldn't take it. You didn't see me alone in this fucking house everyday, wondering what the fuck I did wrong," I swallowed the lump in my throat that was holding me back, "because you weren't here. So don't fucking say you weren't happy here because I haven't been happy my entire life, and you don't see me running away."

There was silence after that. I knew he was speechless because I told him the truth. It felt nice to get out, but horrible at the same time. I just wanted my brother back.

"I know it was selfish," he sobbed out, "and I'm so sorry, Jisung. I really am. I want everything to go back to normal when you and I were fine, but I know that can't happen. Please, just let me try. Give me time. Please, Jisung."

"You know," I began with a sad chuckle, "I always protected you. I'm two years younger, but we're brothers, so I thought it was okay. I always protected you when you did something wrong. I hid the truth from our parents to keep you safe because I didn't want you getting hurt. If they did find out, I was the one in trouble. When it came time for protecting me, you left. I've been alone for what? Almost two years? It's really showed me something. I'm more mature. I'm patient. And I know the rights from wrongs."

"Because you're a better person than me, Jisung. You really are. I didn't care about school when I should've, but you always did. I didn't care about other people, but you always did. You're a kind person. And you don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be in pain."

I laughed again, pushing the air out of my lungs, "then why did you leave me?"

-

After the talk with him, I felt awful. I couldn't stop crying, and I refused to come out of my room. Even after my mom asked me to.

- - - - -

Calling Pigunny 🐷

"Hey-"

"Can you and Chan hyung come get me?" My voice wavered, showing that I was crying.

"Sung, I'm with Felix, but-"

"It's okay. Sorry. I'll just call him."

- - - - -

Calling CB97 Loser

"Hello?"

"Are you busy?"

"Well, I'm-"

- - - - -

Calling Sunshine ☀️💕

"Hey-"

- - - - -

Quit bothering people, Jisung.