Why So Lonely? || Minsung 1/3 ✔️

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My arms are locked around Minho's bicep. We were walking slowly, almost as if he was letting me set the pace. My pace. That felt nice.

"I was thinking we could watch some movies. Do you want to do that?" He looks over at me, patiently waiting for me to respond.

I do take a few seconds. My head was throbbing and my eyes stung, but my limbs were slowing getting their feeling back.
"I just want to sleep and be alone."

"I don't think being alone would help you right now, angel. We can go to bed, though. I'll sleep on the floor."

I wanted to be alone, but I didn't. He wasn't going to leave me alone and I knew that. It was in my best interest. No one could be blamed but me for that.

"Let's just sleep on the bed."

He nods, "okay."

-

We make it back to my house. My parents were both at work. Mom should be home soon. I wanted to wait for her, but I knew I would end up falling asleep on the couch instead.

Minho sends me upstairs while he got me some water. Each step make my legs get heavier and heavier. I didn't think I was going to make it to my room until my hand found the doorknob.

My jeans comes off, but I leave on my shirt. I didn't feel like changing all the way. His footsteps cling to the carpeted flooring as he follows up. I get into bed.

"Here, Sung. Drink some before you sleep or else you're going to have a bad headache."

I take it from him. The liquid trembles because of me. I sip it quietly as he climbs in next to me. He kept his distance, not wanting to overwhelm me.

The glass gets set on my nightstand and darkness seeps through my room. I listen to our mixed breathing. He wasn't going to sleep for awhile.

I turn away from him, but grab his hand under the blanket. "Thanks."

"Always."

-

White covered shoulders are the first thing I see. My arm was draped over his waist. He was warm. I tighten my hold, rubbing my cheek on his back.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper to his unconscious self. "I was going to do something stupid because I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to have that kind of worry lingering. You don't deserve to wonder what happened to me and why I don't tell you. I really am turning into Heetuk. I'm sorry."

"You are nothing like him, Jisung."

"You don't understand-"

"I do understand and you are nothing like that shithead," he growls, not even turning over to look at me. "I'm sorry, but am I wrong? No. He treats your family like shit. You love your family unconditionally. You even love him to the point where his actions are still hurting you greatly. So no, you are nothing like him."

He sounds really pissed off. I wasn't sure if it was directed at me or someone else. Was he getting tired of my bullshit? Was I victimizing myself again? Was I the problem?

"What did you do yesterday? Why did the two tell me not to leave you alone?" He finally sits up, bring me along with him.

I bite my lip, sighing. My flight instincts were pushing hard. "I was going to leave."

"What do you mean?"

"Leave. Be gone. Disappear. Like Heetuk did the first time except for forever. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to find somewhere isolated and be by myself so I can breathe."

"Is that what you really meant..?"

"Yes, Minho. Still alive, but gone. And I know I should stop throwing a pity party for myself, but I'm so tired of it all. When he was gone last time, I picked myself up good. I found you. I found the guys. Of course, he came back and I'm back where I was. Square one."

"You're not back where you were. You have us now. You're not going to lose us at any point. We will always be here. And I think that would be square three, at least."

I smile, gazing up at him. "Thanks. The reassurance always helps. I just don't know how to keep myself out of these holes."

"You can't, but I'll be here to hand you a ladder. Maybe a bucket tied to a rope. I don't know yet," he chuckles. "Either way, I'm here. We all are. You just have to let us help."

"I know. I'm trying."

"I know. Thank you for trying."

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•Hi hi~ I'm super busy this weekend and will probably forget to update, so early post! Hope you're having a good day :)•