Why So Lonely? || Minsung 1/3 ✔️

114

A phone vibration stirs me from my trance. I look away from Minho's tv, checking the message.

- - - - -

Heetuk

Do you want
to grab lunch
tomorrow?

i have school.

- - - - -

I mutter swear under my breath, rolling my eyes so far back into my head. Clicking my phone off, I fix my position, shifting further into Minho's side. Yes, it was eleven at night. Yes, tomorrow was Monday. But tonight has been fucking rough. I needed an out.

"You okay, baby?" Minho kisses the side of my head, gazing into my eyes.

"Yeah." Go on, bitch. Tell him. "My brother texted me about lunch tomorrow."

"What did you say?"

"I had school."

"Sheesh, that's kind of dumb. He knows it's Monday," he laughs. "But you're free for dinner."

"Shut up."

- - - - -

Heetuk

Bro, I just
want to talk
to you.
You ditched
me tonight.

- - - - -

He doesn't understand. How could he? He wasn't the one who was betrayed, abandoned, pained. He has no right to say I ditched him. I did what I... I should've stayed...

I sit up straight, dropping my phone into my lap. I rest my arms on my knees and cover my face with my hands. I was so frustrated. I didn't know what to do. I didn't.

"I can't do this tonight," I whimper, taking in deep breaths to calm my racing heart. "I'm making everything worse. I'm making everything so much worse."

"What? What are you making worse?"

"I should've just stayed. I keep running from everything, just like he did. I keep thinking that it'll go away if I leave, but it's still here. It's still here and it's getting worse. The problem is getting so much worse. I'm making it worse. I call someone every chance I get to get me out of that situation, but it doesn't help. It only gives me more time, but I don't want more time. I want everything over with. I want everything to just stop."

"Jisung, you're not ready to talk to him, and that's understandable-"

"It's not understandable. Nothing is okay. I'll never be ready to talk to him. I need to, but I can barely look at him. I-I just don't know what to do. I'm so fucking stuck. I want to move forward. I want to be able to get past this. But I won't as long as I keep running. But then he does or says something stupid, and there I go, hating him again."

"You don't hate him."

"You're right, I don't. I resent him. I resent him for everything he's done to me and my family. He destroyed us. The amount of times he's made me believe that he was coming back and it was going to be okay was too many times to count. He's given me false hope. That's why I don't want to talk to him. Maybe if I guilt trip him then he'll realize what he's done. Or maybe it'll push him away. What if he leaves again? What if he never comes back? What if that fucking monster steals him from us again?"

"Jisung, breathe," he demands, cutting me off and holding me still in his arms.

"I can't, Minho. I can't. I can't breathe. I'm so fucking stupid for believing all of his lies. I'm so stupid to put so much trust into someone I thought was going to be my best friend forever. I'm so stupid for loving someone who doesn't seem to give a shit about me."

"You're not stupid. He loves you."

"I don't know if I believe that anymore," I cry, sobbing loudly into his chest.