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by CarmenKB

by CarmenKB

Sunday hit. My dad was home for once. My mother was home. My grandparents were coming over. Fun.

I loved them. Of course I loved them. It just always got awkward. I sat there while my parents and them talked.

They always mentioned me getting a girlfriend. In their knowledge, I've never had one. I wasn't planning on getting one, obviously. Unless Minho was a female and I was unaware of it.

I hated when they brought it up. They were people of the bible. They weren't hardcore though, thankfully. I honestly had no problem with religion, as long as you didn't shove it in my face.

When they got here, they greeted me with a smile and a cheek kiss. They all sat down, beginning to talk for the next few hours.

I watch as my family members hug my parents goodbye... but not me. They wave and smile. They say goodbye, but they never hug.

Am I that disgusting? Why does no one like hugging me? My friends and my family.

A deep feeling settled in my chest and once everyone is gone, I say goodnight to my parents. Rushing to my room, I choke back the tears.

It hurts not wanting to be even touched by them. It's not like I didn't try to hug them goodbye either. I went for a hug, and they turned their shoulder. My dad pointed out that I wanted a hug, but they ignored it. They completely fucking ignored it.

- - - - -

Texting Minhoe 🥰💕

Jisung
can i pls have a
hug tomorrow?

Minhoe 🥰💕
of course but
what's wrong?
you're texting weird

Jisung
nothing, i just
want a hug.

Minhoe 🥰💕
of course baby
don't be afraid to
tell me if something
is wrong.

Jisung
i know
thank u.
goodnight

Minhoe 🥰💕
goodnight 💖

- - - - -

At least there's one person. Besides Innie; he always enjoys climbing on his hyungs. He's the only one that accepts hugs and gives them.

I'm not intimidating. I don't smell bad. What's so wrong with me that my friends and family can't simply hug me?

It's a stupid issue to cry over, but it makes me feel absolutely disgusting. Like I'm just some trash that needs to be thrown out.

"Quit it, Jisung. Stop overthinking it."

How can you overthink something as simple as this? I always overthink things. It's just in my nature. I overthink when someone doesn't tell me they love me back after I say it first. I overthink when someone gives me a funny look when I tell a joke. And I overthink when someone doesn't hug me. It's stupid.

Why do you always act like this? Not everything is about you. Don't take it personal. They probably didn't mean it. You're just an idiot.

Just go to sleep. Go to sleep. It's late. You have school tomorrow. You don't need to be tired before your history test. That's the last thing you need.

But I can't just fall asleep. I'm thinking way too much. I can't sleep. All I want to do is cry. My mom could come into my room though. How do I explain my tears to her? Say I miss him? Hell no. That's stupid. You don't miss him.

"Shut up. Just shut up already."

I reach into my nightstand and pull out a pill bottle. Sleeping pills. Not prescription, just regular ones that I took from my moms pill drawer. It's not a bad pill drawer, just one that has basic pills like pain relievers.

I swallow one, drinking from the barely warm water bottle on my table. Please, let me fall asleep soon. Let me escape these thoughts; the thoughts that haunt me so harshly. It's the first time I've ever wanted to sleep so badly. Just let me sleep in peace. That's all I want.