Why So Lonely? || Minsung 1/3 ✔️

39

1:40am

I sit on my window bench, staring out into the night. I needed to get my thoughts cleared. Too much was happening when really nothing was happening. After I had gotten sick, I realized something about Minho and myself.

Minho is such a good guy. He deserves to be with someone so much better than me, but he chose me, and I'll accept that. Me being sick really showed how caring he could be. I knew he was a good guy beforehand, he just seemed to surprise me even more. He makes me happy. Happier than I've ever been.

And me. I have a serious problem. Ever since he left, I haven't been the same. Then again, I've been like this for awhile. I've always been alone. Always. And now, just proves it more. He left. My old friends left. Everyone leaves me. I'm alone, but why?

Why am I so lonely?

If I've always been alone, why is it affecting me so hard now? Is it because when you get older, you realize so much more? Everything dawns on you when you're older.

I always talk to myself. I imagine random people in the room with me. They've hugged me. They've talked to me. They've calmed me down. Just knowing someone was there, even if they really weren't.

When I was younger, I'd spend days alone. I was social though. I would always try inviting friends over, but they always had some excuse so I eventually got fed up with it and stopped calling. I hung out at the playground alone, creating imaginary friends along with it.

When... when my brother ran away, another person was torn out of my life. I was alone all the time, not just with my social life. My home life. I hate coming home because of him. I hate being lonely, but I like being alone.

Then my dad got a job hours away. We barely see him. He's a workaholic. He barely calls. My mom sees him more than me. When I do see him, I don't want to be around him. I love him, but he's so... ugh. I don't know.

My mom is the only one that's been there. That's why she wants to take me and leave. My mom was there. She knew I was lonely because of my friends. She knew that I was hurting.
She never left. Not like the others.

She'd take work off just to hang out with me. She was hurting too. We coped with each other.

God, she is the best mother anyone could ever have. Sure, she can get annoying, but it's a mom thing. It's a parent thing. I couldn't ask for a better mom. Really, I couldn't because I already have her.

Her and Minho. Her and Minho are the two people who've made my life better in completely different ways from Chan, Changbin, and the others.

I reach for my phone, taking in a deep breath. I scroll through my contacts, clicking on their number and letting it ring.

It's time I let myself be happy.

"Angel? Wha-"

"Be my boyfriend."