ᴛᴇᴀʀ ᴍᴇ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ

void

october 9,2019

my head rest on the cold, vandalized desk, my braids draping around my head and the seat. everyone was doing their work, and copying notes as the teacher; mr.jacobs spoke.

sadly, billie wasn't next to me, she sat in the front of the room on the left, while i was in the back on the right. it did give me the advantage to stare, i could see her face perfectly.

no one was sitting next to her at her table so i didn't understand why the teacher had such a problem with me sitting next to her.

but surprisingly this was better.

a knock on the door, made me lift my head. a girl came in, long blonde hair flowing down her back and onto her shoulders. a fitting skirt covering only about a quarter of her legs and a piece of fabric that she called a shirt.

we were in october and this is what she was wearing, but who am i to judge she surprisingly pulled it off.

the teacher was talking to her, as she smacked her gum with a couple of nods.
after they were done with their little chit chat she sits next to billie.

i watched as billies eyes followed the girl, as she sat next to her.

billie licks her lips before she speaks, but i can't hear what they're talking about.
heather gives her this look as she flips her hair and leans her head to the side.

it's like cupid himself fired his arrow right into billie, and due to the look, she gave her after i was probably right.

i should probably stop staring, but i couldn't help it.

the way the blonde smiled at billie as they spoke and the way billie smiled back even wider made me conscious.

i knew that look, billie always gave me that look, but this time it looked real.
-
my head lay on my pillow, as i faced the wall.

it was dark in my room and i could smell the scent of food my mom was cooking slowly floating up through the cracks and vents.

my shirt was damp and so was my pillow, from the tears that had been escaping from my eyes these past hours.

maybe i was being dramatic like everyone says because there's no real reason why i was crying.

why couldn't i just cry? it was always something with someone as if i couldn't show emotion because im me.

i was always "happy" in school, the most energetic out of everyone so when i cry it's weird, and "not like me."

but in reality, i tend to cry a lot, over little things. things like getting yelled at, being ignored, or maybe even as little as getting left on read.

i'm just sensitive, but i try not to be. it hurts sometimes when everyone around you takes you as a joke, sometimes even billie can't be there for me like i want her to be.

i do text her when i need someone and i texted her earlier but she hasn't responded yet.

the knock on my door echoed through my room, an "come eat" following right after.