ᴛᴇᴀʀ ᴍᴇ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ

embodying absence

y'all already know what i'm about to say

december 27, 2019

trey chuckles, holding the softbox in his hands. i sat on my bed, crisscrossed as he examed the pretty ring.

"she's delusional" he sighs with a laugh, i smile and shake my head "shut up."

he sits next to me, the ring still in hand.

"you gonna wear it," he ask, and i shrugged taking it from his hands.
"i don't think so" i started, "i think it'd make her even more upset if i did, she was really serious about it" i sighed "it almost made me cry."

i'd never seen billie cry so hard, i mean yeah i've seen her cry plenty of times but this time, there was just something different.

there was so much emotion in the way she grabbed me while her tears ran down her face.
and the way her eyes were so red and swollen it looked like they were closed.

so much emotion at once was driving me insane and i often think that it's just because it's billies emotions. they're so strong, so confusing, so explosive; i can't take it.

"i can't believe she's in love with you now after all of that. i wonder what made her change her mind" trey says, turning his head to look at me.

i shrug "i don't wanna think about it."

he nods "i get that, but don't you ever wonder why she's so emotional all of a sudden? why does she like you so much now? i wanna give her the benefit of the doubt but it's strange."

"i can't, it hurts too much" i reply, laying back on my bed.

i truly feel hurt in my heart from seeing her eyes red; and tears falling down into her mouth, dripping onto her clothing so i don't think i actually wanna know.
it hurts me to see her fall apart, but i have to think about me too, i cant fight the thought that she is lying.
but if she truly does care this time, if she truly does love me and is ready to try again, i wouldn't lie and say i wasn't thinking about it.
-
i can feel my body shake as someone is trying to wake me from my sleep. i groan, opening my eyes, but it's dark so i am unable to see.

i squint, rubbing my eyes reaching over to the lamp next to me. as my eyes adjust, i am confused by the person in front of me.

"billie" i question "why are you here, who even let you in?"

she shakes, her fingers never stopping their fight against each other. "your mom let me in a while ago" she says shakily.

she looks weird as if she'd just seen a ghost. her hair is pulled back in a frizzy ponytail while her eyes are so red i'm sure the light is burning them.

her nose is red as well, i almost wanna kiss it and tell her it's okay.
"come here," i say, grabbing her hands and pulling her into my neck. her arms don't hesitate to wrap around my waist, she sobs as she hiccups and i can feel her breath hit my skin.

"i'm sorry i'm really sorry zya,"  she says into me, her breaths are short and almost as if she is manually doing them.

i  shush her as i stroke her hair "what happened, love" i ask her.