ᴛᴇᴀʀ ᴍᴇ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ

all i'll ever need

don't be mad

june 15, 2021

i'm back in la, and i'm already sick of the nostalgia. i've only just arrived, yet i'm itching to get out.

as i enter my house, i am exhausted and am instantly attacked by my dog. i laugh as i lean down to give milo a belly rub.
"how about taking your things upstairs?" my mother suggests with a smile.

"okay" i trail off as she nods upstairs, furrowing my brows at her mischievous smirk. she hasn't mentioned my hair or the fact that i haven't spoken to her in over a year.

i begin my walk upstairs, loving the smell of air freshener floating around in the air.

i open my door with my mouth gaping, not bothering to walk inside, and instead staring at the person in front of me.

billie.

she's giggling and has this silly smirk on her face as she studies my face.
i don't wanna move, as if i've just been cemented to the floor. since i opened this door, i don't think my eyes have left billies, causing me to lose focus.

her hands are behind her back as she twists her head to the side. i'm in such a state of shock that i don't want to say anything, and i'm hoping she doesn't either because i know i wouldn't be able to take it.
"come here angel," billie laughs, tossing her head, and fuck, i think I'm going to burst. her voice is too much for me to bear, and i'm in her arms in a flash, adoring the way she has her arms tightly wrapped around my waist.

i just need to feel her, my hands find their way slightly under her shirt. i feel compelled to touch her because if i don't then i'll explode.

"zya" billie whines in my ear "don't cry."

but i can't stop the tears from welling up in my eyes and the cries from escaping my lips as i clutch her tighter. i cant seem to let go as if she'll just slip right through my fingers.

my fingers dig into her skin as i tighten my grip.

billie murmurs into my ear, chuckling and running her hands up my shirt, "i've missed you, my love."

"i've missed you so much more, you don't even know," i say as she attempts to break away, i cry and draw her closer. "i want to look at you," she chuckles. billie releases me, but i keep my hands hidden inside her shirt.

her eyes are so blue that i'm afraid i'm going blind, and her hair is blonde like it was when we were younger. everything about her, including her dimples, nose, and lips, is overwhelming right now.

"your hair," she says softly as she laughs, and "your hair," i say again, laughing through tears.

billie removes my hands from her shirt so we can interlock fingers "why didn't you call me?"

"i thought we were done" i stutter and hiccup my way through my sentence, hating that im still crying, hating that billie is seeing me like this.

billie smiles, wiping my tears "im still your best friend," she whispers "always and forever, remember?"

i cry even harder as i throw my head back and whine. billie laughs as she kisses my forehead and pulls me into another hug.