Namjoon Likes Black Girls • Namjoon Centric •

36

.Zaina.

I'm not dumb or oblivious. By reading their faces when they saw me, I know that I turned them on. But I decided to act dumb and pretend I didn't notice anything. I almost broke character when I got in the house, because I'm not even gonna lie, the way Jimin was looking at me... and the tone of his voice when he said my name. It did a lil somn somn to me.

But I guess I have become good at reading body language, because Jungkook was trying his hardest to act the opposite but it was obvious that he was horny as hell.

But I decided to just go upstairs and shower and not mention or act on my thoughts and assumptions. But Jimin's voice and the way he spoke was burned into my head. At the same time, I feel a little guilty to think like this, because I have something special with Namjoon. No matter how fine the other guys may be, I'll still pick him every time.

I've just been lonely I think, to where I'm just dying for human interaction. And the first time I meet with one of the guys, there's sexual undertones. I tried to ignore it at the time because I don't want it to progress. I've never been the causal fling type of person, or made dick appointments, as they call it where I'm from.

I've only had a few past relationships that were too extremely short for me to actually connect with the person. I was dumb back then, feeding into their manipulative tactics. I wanted him to stay with me so bad that I let him fuck me. Worst experience of my damn life. I was a virgin at the time but he didn't give a shit about my pain, and to make it worse, he still left me anyway.

And if you thought I'd learn after that, you thought wrong, because the exact same thing happened with the second relationship, except he filmed it secretly and sent it to all of our classmates. I can remember being call gross and disgusting for how I was acting, when he told me beforehand a list of things I should say. And out of kindness, I stepped out of my comfort zone and said some of those things. Oh, and he left me right after so...

Those memories haunt me. I haven't gotten into a relationship in almost three years because of my past. I've only experienced pain and heartache from being emotionally connected with someone. I want to trust that Namjoon won't be a dickhead but... it's only been a week. Usually by the end of the second week, they get impatient and threatened to leave if I don't let them smash, and when I do, they just leave anyway. So I hope that god Is on my side for this one.

I changed into shorts and a tshirt and walked down stairs.

"Okay guys, I'm back." I called out. They were still standing where they were about 15 minutes ago, but dispersed when they saw me. As they got closer, I saw Jungkook furrow his eyebrows before he ran to me. He was now basically hovering over me, so close that I could smell the Downy from his clothes.

"Are you okay?" His voice was soft as he mumbled that in Korean. His eyes scanned ever feature of my face in concern.

"Yeah... why?" I asked curiously. He took a step back and sucked in a breath. Jimin caught up and walk up beside him.

"Have you... been... um..."

"Cry?" Jungkook finished for him.

"O-oh..." I touched my face. My eyes were a little puffy and my lashes were wet. How did I not notice that I've been sniffling since I've come down here? "I-I guess I was."

"Why? The police? T-they come tomorrow." Jungkook mumbled, his eyes still glued to my face. I shook my head. "Is it... us? You want Namjoon?"

"No... it's neither of those. I was just thinking and I guess I got caught up in the moment. I'm okay, I promise." I smiled.

"Do you want talk... to us?" Jimin asked.

"I don't want to talk about it. I regret what happened and I can only think back on it in sadness." I shook my head.

"It's okay." Jungkook smiled before he walked towards me to wrap his arms around my shoulders. A hug... I really needed one of these. I slowly raised my arms to hug him back, nuzzling my face deep into his shoulder. The smell was so comforting, it calmed me in a nostalgic way.

I wish I could burn those memories and look at relationships in a new light. But they will forever be with me, at least until I actually have a positive experience in a relationship.

But even having a positive group of friends is changing my opinion on relationships. Meeting people that don't emit red flags the entire relationship. People that don't refuse to contact you unless it's to demand nudes, that shows no affection or attraction to anything but your body. That couldn't give a single shit about your heart and how you feel. That will use you regardless of if you allow them to or not.

But meeting these guys, they're like the rainbow after a storm. It's refreshing to see people smiling and laughing with each other. Being close to each other, just because they want to and not because they're trying to corner the other person into submission. And instead being so caring and nice.

They all came to visit me after that night, just because they wanted to make sure that I was okay. They took care of me, brought me food, kept me company. I wonder if this what real friends feel like.

"Zaina..." Jungkook stepped out of my arms so that he could see my face. "What's wrong? What happened?" They both looked so confused and worried. I shook my head and looked down. Jimin kneeled down below me to see my face and I chuckled a little after see him smile. My eyes followed him as he stood up in front of me, holding the side of my neck to use his other sleeve to wipe my tears. Once he realized that I wasn't done crying, he just chuckled and pulled me in to his body so I could cry in his shoulder. He rubbed my back soothingly as he mumbled to Jungkook. I didn't understand until he said Namjoon and my head popped up.

"Don't tell Namjoon, please." I requested, wiping my own tears away.

"Why?" Jimin tilted his head.

"I don't want to distract him by worrying about me. I didn't cry over anything important, I just got overwhelmed by your kindness. He doesn't need to know that I cried." I mumbled, looking away.

"O-okay." I watched Jungkook put his phone away. "Our break is almost done. Do you not want them to know this?"

"No one. I'll talk to the others on my own. And hopefully I still don't look like this when Namjoon gets back." I rubbed my face.

"You look very pretty." Jimin smiled at me. I grew flustered under his gaze and looked away.

"Thanks Jimin." I shyly chuckled. "When you go back, make sure you concentrate on your work okay? Don't fall behind because of me." I pouted to them. They both nodded with kind smiles.