Namjoon Likes Black Girls • Namjoon Centric •

52

It was late at night now, I'd spent the entire day just trying to distract myself from the truth. I was just watching gaming YouTubers to pass time.

"Zaina. Come eat." My mom peaked into my room.

"Okay." I mumbled, still concentrated on my phone screen. I heard her sigh before she walked into the room and closed the door behind her.

"What happened earlier?" She crossed her arms.

"What you mean?" I paused my video.

"When Kaylah was showing you that video. They Korean right?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"I'm not dumb. You just came back from Korea and you know the names of all of them boys. The same boys that Kaylah begs you to watch with her, and now you know their names." I could only sigh and look away. "What happened?"

"It's just..." I couldn't even think of an answer. "I... do know them..." I looked down at my crossed legs.

"Forreal?" Her eyebrows furrowed, showing that she didn't believe anything I was saying. I just reluctantly went to my gallery as I nodded. My thumb shakily selected the selfie that I took with Namjoon. It's my favorite picture, the golden sunset, the outfits we were wearing, the styling of our hair. Back then, I was starting to develop a crush on Namjoon. My feelings were getting stronger for him, and the way he looked that day...

"Yes." I handed my phone to her. She took it but stared at it confusingly.

"Kaylah!" She called my sister.

"W-wait-"

"Yeah mama?" She stepped into my room.

"Who is that?" She showed her my phone which just left me hiding my face as she screamed in surprise.

"YOU MET RM? YOU MET HIM FORREAL?? LIKE FORREAL FORREAL??!" She shouted excitedly at my phone.

"Finish your story." My mom handed my phone back to me.

"She can't be in here." I flicked my hand at her.

"What? Whyyy?? I wanna meet RM! Pleaseeeee!" She begged and whined.

"You got a big mouth. It's dangerous for their personal lives to be exposed. Because I know that you're going to tell all your weird, obsessive friends."

"They not weird..." she mumbled at the ground. "Fine! I'll leave, but please tell me you met Yoongi." She put her hands together.

"I met Yoongi. I went to his birthday party last month."

"Wait!" She took her phone out of her pocket and started to scroll furiously. "Wait... you're not in the picture..."

"What picture?" She sat on my bed to show me her phone, where there was a picture of Yoongi holding his cake while the guys were around him holding gift bags. "Oh. The blue one is mine. Hoseok told me that had a dog, so I got his dog some accessories and treats." Her jaw dropped.

"You met J-Hope too??!"

"I answered your question, out." I waved at her. She groaned but reluctantly left anyway.

"So what was earlier about? When watching the video, you didn't even look happy to see them. Which is weird if y'all friends, apparently." My mom took a seat on my bed and passed me my phone back.

"Well... I didn't know that they were BTS until three hours before my flight. I met them two or three days after I arrived, and the entire two weeks, they lied about their identities. When I asked about their jobs, when I saw posters of them in public; they answered with lies. The fact the they were such good liars... it's frustrating. Because, ya know, I trusted them as friends and they apparently didn't trust me enough to tell me who they really were." I ranted softly.

"The RM one. Tell me about that one." She sighed.

"H-huh?"

"It seems like he's the one you're closest to, so tell me about him." She seemed more serious than before.

"Namjoon was the one that told me about his true self. He was the one that I spent the most time with. I saw him every day and I..." I sighed. "I even went on a date with him. And then a couple days later, he tells me that he's been hiding a secret life from me."

"Did he tell you why?"

"That he did it because he didn't wanna overwhelm me. And then he said that he wanted me to like him for him, not for RM. But at that point, I wasn't sure if I could believe anything he said." I looked away.

"Girl if he could lie about something that simple then what else could he lie about?" She crossed her arms again.

"That's what I thought too."

"Ion know Zaina." She let out a breath. "I told you to leave them boys over there. They just want you for sex."

"Ma..." I sighed and looked down at my lap, my hands reaching up to pull at my fro. But before they could, she pushed them back down.

"Don't get stressed about it. You here now, they in the past." She got up and stood in front of me with a hand on her hip.

"But mama... I haven't had a real friend since Kendall moved away for college three years ago. And they were my friends and I liked to be around them. I can't just forget about them."

"What, you wanna go back and see them? After this?" She raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

"N-no. I mean... Ion know... I've already had them blocked since I came back. But... ion know if I can just leave them in the past." I conflictedly sighed and leaned my head on my shoulder.

"I mean you don't sound like you wanna forgive them either. So whatchu gonna do?"

"What should I do?" I looked up at her.

>>><<<

I couldn't sleep, not even 10 minutes. It's was already 2am and I was just up thinking about them. About him. I just sat up, turn on my light and went over to my suitcase. If I didn't mindlessly force myself to unpack it, it'll just sit there for the rest of time.

I laid my suitcase down and got on my knees beside it. The second I unzipped it and laid the halves flat, it hit me. The memories, the feelings, the smell. The entire suitcase smelled like him, just like I knew it would. I just try to ignore it as I take the clothes out one by one, well until I come across a little black box. A familiar box that was given to me on my date.

Namjoon's voice rang in my ears, his shy smile flashing in my head as I picked up the box. When he asked me not to open the box until I got home because I wouldn't understand what was inside until then. How did I remember that when I can't even remember what I had for breakfast?

But I took out just the box and went to sit on my bed. My hands quivered around the box. I took a deep breath, in and out, closed and opened my eyes. Okay.

I opened the box slowly, the first thing I see is a piece of folded paper. I put the box to the side, all of my attention on the note. I unfolded it slowly, just seeing the paper covered. I started to read slowly.