Namjoon Likes Black Girls • Namjoon Centric •

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I was sitting on the bed, playing on my phone, when there were suddenly knocks on the door.

"Come in." I smiled and Namjoon walked in with his phone and his book again. He sat next to me on the bed again. "What other questions you got?" I turned towards him.

"What's a traditional meal that your family eats?" He asked and leaned forward in excitement.

"Uhhh, what do you mean by traditional?" I chuckled after my mind went blank from such a vague term.

"Like..." he looked at the bed to find the words. "What would you feed us if was visited you?" With a little bit of a laugh to his voice.

"Soul food, of course. Mac and cheese, candy yams, green beans, mashed potatoes... there'll be something for everyone." I smiled, thinking back on all of those thanksgivings.

"Culture is crazy. Our version of soul food is kimchi, rice, kambalcha leaves, black bean noodles, eggs, you know stuff like that. But I've only had a couple of those foods you listed."

"I've only had kimchi and rice and that was because you gave them to me." I chuckled.

"We should definitely check out a street food corner before you leave. That's where a lot of Koreas favorite foods are served." He smiled.

"I'd love to, Joon." I leaned on my hand that was perched on my knee. He started to laugh, putting his stuff on his lap to cover his face with his hands. He then looked over his hands at me.

"I can't get over you calling me that... it's very cute when you say it." He cringed behind his hands again. "Ah you're killing me." And he let out a breath and dropped his hands. I couldn't help my giggle at how adorable he was which lead to him avoiding eye contact. "What if... can I call you Z? I've been thinking and it's all I could think of." He nervously chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. 

"Yeah, I like Z." I nodded, just smiling from seeing him smile. "What other nicknames do you like?" I tilted my head, turning a little more towards him.

"A-anything you call me, I'm okay with." He softly nodded.

"Namjoonie?" His eyebrows raised before he realized that I was just saying the name.

"I like that one too."

"Dude you're so cute. And for what??" I grabbed a pillow to hold to my chest.

"Because I'm Namjoon." Before immediately cringing. "I'm going to bed before embarrass myself more." And he grabbed his things and walked to the door.

"Goodnight Namjoonie!" I waved with a chuckle.

"Goodnight Z." Giving a tired grin and wave before leaving the room. I let out a breath once the door closed, letting my shoulders slump as a smile stayed on my face. I think I got a crush on him. I've never felt so many butterflies in my life, then when Namjoon is near me... Jesus please. You don't gotta go this.

>>><<<
.Namjoon.

I woke up at 5:30am, getting ready for the next 10 minutes and then waiting for the van outside. I was getting off of work early today, around noon, so my spirits were very high. I was going in for promotional videos, since we finally finished the music video yesterday.

After the few hours of promotions, I'd be meeting up with the guys to see the shots that will be used in the music video. And I'll have to take pictures in the music video outfit, full face of makeup, and perfectly styled hair for fan service. We were supposed to do this yesterday but we filmed so late into the night that once it was done, everyone went straight home.

Though some of us got some pictures and videos in during the styling process. But we have to send any pictures we plan to post to be approved by management as to prevent spoilers. So I'll be doing that on the way home.

But after work, I rereserved a spot at the restaurant for 5pm. The restaurant being Jin's restaurant. Of course I asked him to remove any promotional banners for our BE album, just for tonight, as well as refrain from playing our music over the speakers.

It's Wednesday today. Tomorrow is Thursday. And Friday she starts packing. Because she leaves on Saturday.

My head has been racing with all of the things I want to do with her. All the places I want to take her to. The foods I want to feed her, the things I want to buy her... the secrets I want to tell her...

I'm not letting her leave, believing in a lie. Even if it's 10 hours, to 10 minutes, to 10 seconds before she boards the plane, I'm going to tell her, regardless of how I feel or what my circumstances are. I can't live with this weight on my chest, looking straight into her eyes and lying. Even if she disregards any contact she has with me afterwards, she still deserves to know. And I'll accept what ever reaction she gives.

I sighed softly and pulled myself out of my head. I was in the stylist chair, getting my hair done. I have to stop getting distracted like this, especially with such heavy thoughts. I need to stay focused, thinking about the upcoming album, the events planned in the near future. As there's been confirmation of a world tour and dates and locations being discussed. So there's too much going on, too much ahead of us for me to get stuck in my head like this.

Zaina... I care about her... a lot. She was just supposed to be a close friend... maybe it's my own feelings that's clogging my thoughts. The fact that she's leaving and there's a chance I could never see her again after I tell her the truth... it scares me so much more that it should.

I sighed. I'm even selfish now. Instead of worrying about how lying for this long will hurt her, I'm still thinking about how I'll feel after I tell her. Stupid, Namjoon. You don't deserve her.

The fact that she trusted me enough to literally live in my house with locks that only I knew the codes to, gates that only opened to us, in a place where she had no idea how to even get back to the city from, after only a week. And now to tell her that I've been lying to her the whole time. I basically just took her trust, ripped it up and now I'm bringing her the shreds.

I could only sigh and rub my eyes. I have to pull it together. I can't show her my fear. I can't ruin the last few days I have with her with negativity. I'm just going to finish work, spend time with Zaina, take her out for lunch, maybe go to a park if she wants to.

Besides, just seeing her is stress relief enough. Don't even get me started on her smile or her laugh or her beautifully comforting voice. I can't help but pull her into a warm embrace every chance I get. I'm obsessed with how small she feels in my arms, and how sweet she always smells. I have to smile when she gets that glisten in her eyes when she's excited, and how she can't stay still or talk in just one pitch.

I can't believe I have a crush on her.

Although, I expected it. Everything about her... both the inside and outside... she's enchanting. In every form.

Zaina... why must you do this to me...