chapter 19

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Lovely POV

"Morning mom," I sat down at the stool. It was definitely not a good morning on my side . I have a lot of shit going on. "Good morning Lovely," She placed my plate filled with food infront of me.

"Are you okay? You look sick?" I got my fork and started playing with it. "Yeah am fine." Please let it go. "but..". I interrupted her. "Mom I am late I got to go." I stood up not leaving room for argument.

I got into my car and drove to the company. I sang with tears in my eyes.  "It hurts so good by Astrid" while driving. I parked in the parking lot, got my purse and locked my car I walked to the entrance looking forward

I plugged in my earphones and played with my nails as I rode the elevator to my floor. He had every right to cheat on me but it hurts so much . I couldn't find a reason why he cheat on me maybe because I wasn't giving him time. I was flirting with Scarlet not noticing  our relationship was going downhill.

I have to keep my relationship with Scarlet professional. She's my boss nothing else. I have to avoid her at all terms. How can I avoid her when I like her a bit. I chuckled bitterly. Why did I in the first place flirt with her?

I walked out of the elevator when it dinged. I took in a deep breath and opened the huge doors. I didn't bother to look at Scarlet's side because I could feel her eyes on me.

I sat down at my desk and started arranging her schedule.   My wrist  was  hurting and I would wince time to time but I continued to do my work.

(A few hours later author too lazy to write)

*Ding*
My phone light up it's screen and I checked.  I unlocked the phone and saw a message from Eros. My heart ached  "Hey can we meet up in 20" It read.

"Sure" I replied back. Calm down and see what he wants. I breathed in and out and stood up from my desk. I dusted off my imaginary dust and grabbed my purse. I walked out of my mini office and looked at Scarlet briefly.

Scarlet looked at me curiously and I just shrugged it off. I plan to avoid Scarlet at all costs, our relationship should be professional. I walked slowly to the elevator with my head low and Astrid playing.

I have a lot of thoughts running inside my head right now. What's he going to tell me? Should I forget I found him cheating on me and start a fresh start with him. Is he taking me for a date? Is he going to break up with me? I gulped thinking of him breaking up with me.

I still love him even though I caught him cheating.

I entered the elevator and pressed the buttons to his floor and stepped back. I have been ignoring Jade's calls, I don't want to be a bother to her and Adelina. I wish only for her happiness and I know Adelina won't hurt her.  I wish I could escape this harsh reality.

The bell of the elevator snapped me out of my thoughts. I gulped stepped out of the elevator. I remember everything like it has happened 5 minutes ago. I can still hear his moans in the empty hallway but this time there are people running around with files in hand .

I feel like am living a nightmare again. I felt tears stinging at the back of my eyes but I blinked them away. Everything felt was in slow motion but I eventually knocked on his office. I wanted to run away from this place and pretend I didn't see his message or see him being fucked.

I walked in and looked everywhere and everything was the same. I looked at the desk wondering how it's still standing. I swallowed the lump and looked at him. Nothing had changed , it felt like  I don't know him at all.

"Can you take a seat, we need to talk about something?" He pointed at the chair infront where he was fucked . Well good morning to you.  I didn't want to seat where he had sex. "It's fine." My voice came out strained because of the lump that was growing again in my throat.

"Well let me get to the point, we should break up." I felt everything around me disappear and my something that was stabbing itself into my heart multiplied ten times more. I couldn't here anything else.

I was only seeing him talk but I couldn't hear anything. I nodded my head and left his office. Tears were already rolling down my cheeks. Everyone in the hallway looked at me with sympathy. I swallowed the lump in my throat but it wouldn't bug. I walked to the nearby restroom and locked myself inside.

I cried while shaking uncontrollably. I pulled my knees to my chest as I sat down. I bit my hand to stop the sobs that were trying to escape out. I couldn't feel anything except my sobs and cries. He finally broke it off.

He hurt me again. Hot tears ran down my cheeks as I sobbed.  I thought about everything including Scarlet. It is all my fault. I shouldn't have cheated in the  first place  and would have showed him I loved him .

(Self harm)

I  got my purse and looked for my blade. I looked at the blade that still had yesterday's blood.  I need to escape reality again . I unwrapped the bandage I had tied on today morning. I found a new place and dug the blade into my skin deep.

I saw blood rolling down my wrist and I pulled the blade away from my skin . I stopped sobbing but my tears didn't. Everything disappeared just like yesterday.  I sighed and closed my eyes. Maybe everything must change.

(After a few minutes)

When the pain decreased , I looked down on the floor and I think I had lost half a litre . I shrugged and stood up from the floor helped by the sink. I wrapped my hand again and covered it with my hoodie again. I didn't know how I was going to clean the blood that was on the floor.

(End of  self harm)

I looked at myself through the mirror and I sure looked like shit. Red puffy eyes , also red nose and ears.  I washed my face and looked at myself  through the mirror.

You deserve all this. If you hadn't cheated on him you would be happy with him. He loved you but you cheated. I looked away and grabbed some tissues to wipe away my  tears.  I voice inside me said.

I calmed myself and walked out of the restroom. I took the stairs because I didn't want to break down again. I entered my mini office and found Scarlet waiting for me.

********

Tysm for the 3k reads again


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