Royal Beeduo | Part Book, Part Oneshot, and Full Abomination

Dear Dad, Dear Son // Tubbo and Fundy

idk why but i can only think of this as a musical song

featuring...

Parisduo (AKA psychotic half zombie father and furry son)

and dad!Sparklez! (AKA a captain who doesnt know where tf his son is and his son the half goat who didnt tell his dad he was away with his best friend)

===

Dearest Dad,

How are you? Okay, maybe I shouldn't say that.

It's me. Your son. Hopefully you remember me. I think. I don't know anymoer.

I'm sorry I left you. Tommy said he was leaving with his older brother and he invited me along, and I was going to come home after watching him go but I accidentally stepped over the border and got stuck. I couldn't get back out. I'm so sorry.

But I'm alive! I have a platonic-ish husband named Ranboo, an enderman hbyrid, did you know? Since you're like, a quarter ender dragon, do you think you could communicate with him somehow? That would be cool.

Also I have a son named Michael. He's a baby piglin, and he's adopted. Me and Ranboo found him on Valentines day.

I hope you're okay. And I'm so sorry for leaving yuo. *You.

Hopefully this finds you, just somewhere in general,

Tubbo

~~~

Dear Dad,

I don't know if I want to call you dad anymore. But whatever. I have some questions.

First of all, why were you never there for me? Why did you just go and die? I have to live with every regret you ever had.

Second, why did you never visit. This is more a statement than a question. I've been here this whole time, and you've done nothing to do with me. No letter. No hello. It hurts, did you know that?

Quackity said you mentioned me.

I don't believe that shit, but I guess I should hope.

Third, did you really keep the drawing? The one I made of you, before everything, and me. Or did it just escape from a box? 

I can't really expect you to answer these truthfully. Or answer them at all.

But I have some words to say. And you'll (hopefully) read them. They're very important. 

Ready?

Fuck you.

Your only son, who you left behind, and whos grandfather never gave a shit,

Fundy

~~~

Dear Son,

You're alive.

My hands are shaking as I write this. When I first saw your letter I didn't want to read it, but then Crumb snatched it and read it aloud.

Crumb is your sister, by the way. I found her and she's just stayed here. She says hi.

It's okay. I understand borders, and their makers. Your admin seems to be very... controlling. Maybe I'll find a way in so I can visit you. That would probably end in disaster, but I've been through worse.

Crumb wants to note that ink splatter here

Hi! It's Crumb, your sister. I thought you were dead. But you're not, so that's very cool. If we do get to visit you, can I bring rice? Because the Captain said you've never tried rice before and I find that mildly insulting.

____/\_——| ink spot

It's your dad again. Crumb took the paper.

Anyways, it's okay. It's really just the borders fault.

And I'm happy for the marriage? When did that happen? And how? No, I can't communicate with enderman. I've tried. Also how did you get a son?? Where?? What?

Your writing is getting better.

I love you,

The Captain(Sparklez)

~~~

Dear Fundy,

It's.. It's Foolish.

I found your letter crumpled up in the woods.

I hope you're doing okay.

You can always talk to me.

Warmest regards, 

Foolish G

===

mmm yes

Tubbo and Fundys families lead very different lives

and no i didn't make this last minute because i forgot to publish something ahahah- 

i've been humming Sex Sells the whole