Cookie Run: Kingdom One-Shots, Head-Canons, Incorrect Quotes

O-S Formal Speaking is Exhausting (Cookies of Darkness, Licorice x Clover)

A/N: Damn I really hope my writing is good enough... so many people are reading this-

"I will DESTROY your kneecaps if you don't get off your high horse and follow orders!" Pomegranate stepped forwards, poking Dark Choco in the chest threateningly.

"What the hell?"

"Ok guys, let's all just calm down and I'm sure we can make this work!" Licorice got in between them, his nervous smile stretched across his face.

"Your head is full of wool, you mindless sheep!" Dark Choco threw his hands in the air in outrage. "We're following pointless orders! What do we get in return? A house? No! We get an apartment! Ok, how about food? No! We have to make it ourselves! Paid? No! We have no currency! Friendship? No! We get whatever the hell this is! Mutual hatred!"

"I'm gonna eat your eyes out of their sockets if you don't move your twink ass out of my way and let me fight this insolent fool." Pomegranate stepped forwards, pushing Licorice aside.

"Where do you learn such insults," roared Dark Choco.

"She learned them from Tumblr," replied Red Velvet casually.

"What is... Tumblr?"

"It's a social media platform, seriously how old are you?" Licorice furrowed his brows.

"I don't follow social media."

"How?" Pomegranate tilted her head in confusion.

"I don't understand its purpose nor do I wish to learn outrageous insults."

"Dude, I thought we were all just acting all fancy because it's a professional place. Are you actually like this in real life?" Red Velvet walked up next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes! Are you not?" Dark Choco looked around at his comrades.

"Nah, man." Pomegranate shook her head. "I'm Instagram famous."

"I prefer Reddit." Red Velvet shrugged.

"I couldn't live without Tumblr."

"What's going on," asked Dark Enchantress. "Why are you all standing around?"

"Oh, apologies madam! We were simply discussing social media! It appears Dark Choco lives his personal life exactly as he lives his life here!" Pomegranate curtsied.

"Oh shit, really?" Dark Enchantress burst out laughing. "You're just... always like this? Pft!" She shook her head, sighing in amusement. "Damn, that's funny."

"What I once thought to be true is crumbling around me. I no longer know what to believe. Reality has been shattered." Dark Choco stared at them in awe. "Wait... are our opponents also like this?"

"Well, I've got Clover's phone number, we can call him and ask," Licorice suggested, holding up his phone and pointing at it.

"Who's Clover?" Dark Enchantress crossed her arms.

"He's a magical musician that lives in the Kingdom, but doesn't consider himself to be enemies with us." Red Velvet nudged Licorice.

"The white-haired boy?! The one with the lute?! Why do you have the lute boy's phone number?!"

"He-"

"LICORICE LIKES CLOVER AND CLOVER WANTS TO BE HIS BOYFRIEND THAT'S WHY!" Pomegranate also nudged Licorice, who blushed bright red.

"Really Licorice? The lute boy?" Dark Enchantress shook her head. "Man, I don't even care anymore. You kids have fun. I'm gonna go lay down."

"I'm so confused!"

"Oh, go away, grandpa! We're gonna stalk some hero-types' social medias, then troll them!" Pomegranate waved him away, whipping out her phone and tuning out.

Later

"Clover, are you actually this formal all the time?"

"Nope."

"Do you look at memes?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Dark Choco. He's like that all the time." Licorice sighed.

"Man, that would be exhausting. You should see Madeleine on some days. This god-like being walking around all majestically saying things like, 'Dude, how far do you think I can yeet this?'" Clover laughed. "But it is fun talking all formal."

"Agreed, fine sir."

"'Twas a pleasure discussing such topics with you, although I'm afraid my attention is needed elsewhere. I shall send for you when I am no longer occupied."

"That is most understandable. Have a nice day."

"Right back at ya! Bye!"

Licorice laughed. "HEY POMEGRANATE! THEY'RE NORMAL OVER THERE TOO!"