Cookie Run: Kingdom One-Shots, Head-Canons, Incorrect Quotes

O-S Narcissist (Espresso x Madeleine)

A/N: Not me reading hours upon hours of Espresseleine content instead of writing-

"Espresso, my friend! How I have missed you!" Madeleine posed victoriously, Angel walking behind him, eating a cookie.

"Why is one of the numerous dead children in this Kingdom following you. Also, a correction: we are not friends. At most, we are simply acquaintances." Espresso flicked his wrist and the door closed behind the Knight Commander and his child spotlight.

"Angel has agreed to follow me around! I do feel quite flattering in their light!" Madeleine made a smug face and Espresso grimaced.

"In times like these I find myself utterly despising you." Espresso turned back to his work. "Angel, you are not in this buffoon's debt. There is no need for you to stroke his massively oversized ego."

Had Madeleine been a more immature man, he would have burst into laughter at Espresso's phrasing. Instead, he cracked a small smile, then cleared his throat. "Sir Espresso, I would like to invite you to a ball. It takes place next evening."

"You insufferable fool. Is your skull really that thick? Is it completely impossible for you to get it across your mind that I do not like you. I don't like spending time around you. I don't like your narcissistic stories. I don't like your awful attitude. To put it simply, I hate you with a passion that burns hotter than the Sun itself. So, respectfully, I must decline your offer." He spun around in his chair to look at Madeleine. "You may take your leave."

Madeleine cocked an eyebrow. "Narcissistic?"

"Indeed. You are dismissed."

"No, I think not. I would much prefer to overstay my welcome than leave without discussing this." He walked over to Espresso's reading couch, waving for Angel to come sit by him. He pondered the mage's words carefully, then turned to the little soul next to him. "Am I a narcissist," he whispered.

"Nay. Though, you do seem to be a bit... self-obsessed. You have narcissistic tendencies." Angel fluttered their wings uncomfortably.

"Oh dear," said Madeleine. "Espresso, I sincerely hope you know that half of my stories are purposefully boastful with the intent of humor. I admit, I can see that I do have some rather selfish tendencies, but I try my best to be noble and selfless." Madeleine frowned. "I apologize."

Espresso blinked.

The room was silent.

"It appears that we have collected conflicting data. The only reasonable thing to do is to collect more." Espresso stood up. "This has become so bothersome that I shall prioritize it over my research."

"Collect more data?"

"Yes. We shall take a poll. Parfait is having another one of her meaningless concerts. I often find it useful to take polls onstage, as her concerts average an audience of roughly 150." He grabbed his coat and rushed Madeleine and Angel out. "We shall have you tell one of your self-invested stories, then have the audience decide whether you are a narcissist or a comedian."

"The two are not mutually exclusive," muttered Madeleine as he followed Espresso.

***

"I cannot believe you just interrupted that poor girl's concert, forced your way onto the stage mid-song, shooed her off of it, then had me tell a story," laughed Madeleine as he sat himself on a bar stool.

"I had a point to prove," replied Espresso with a small smile. "If I am anything, I am persistent."

"I, too, have been described as stubborn." Madeleine smiled at Sparkling. "Are you wearing eyeshadow," he asked, curiously.

"Yeah," he replied, a voice as smooth as silk and as rich as chocolate. Sparkling leaned over the counter, resting his head in his hand.

"I like that shade. It suits you." Madeleine's cheeks turned a light pink as he looked the bartender up and down. "Mind if I ask your name?"

"His name is Sparkling," interrupted Espresso in a familiar, bitter tone. "And his name is Madeleine! Congratulations! I hope you invite me to the wedding so that I may decline harshly in both of your faces! Now, will you please stop this horrible flirting and get on with it!" He slammed both hands down on the counter, stood up, and stomped off.

"Woah, what is his deal," asked Sparkling with a wink.

"I have nary a clue. I suppose it would serve me best to find out. Best wishes, Sparkling! It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance!" He followed after the small man, waving goodbye behind his shoulder.

Sparkling was rather disheartened.

***

"Back so soon? I assumed you would have longer stamina in bed. Apparently, I was wrong." Espresso huffed and crossed his arms.

"With The Divine as my witness, I did not sleep with that man! Why are you so fussy all of a sudden. After the disaster that was the poll, I thought we had come to some sort of an understanding." Madeleine shook his head with a bitter laugh. "Maybe I truly am the fool you take me for!"

"No," said Espresso. His voice was broken and worn down. It rumbled quietly like distant thunder. Madeleine's angry expression softened when Espresso pushed off his glasses to wipe away tears. "No, you're not. I just... I don't know what to make of our friendship." He sniffled.

"Oh." Madeleine slowly approached him as one would approach a stray cat they wanted to pet. Then, he wrapped him in a hug, half expecting to get thrown through the wall by the limitless power of Espresso's pure coffee magic.

He did not.

***

Espresso was rolled up in a blanket burrito, held together by Madeleine's heavy arm that night. He found himself in a rather unusual predicament. Madeleine slept soundly, holding Espresso close in a comforting, affectionate way that included Espresso's head being rested against his chest and his arms wrapped around the burrito's waist.

His heart rate accelerated, his breathing stuttered. In no way was this good. Their bodies were so close. Espresso could hear Madeleine's peaceful heartbeat, envious of the sleeping man's composure.

But, with time, his eyelids drooped, his breathing slowed, and his heart thumped in synch with Madeleine's. Maybe there was more to this than he had originally thought.

***

Madeleine woke up to a wondrous sight. He sighed sleepily and cuddled against Espresso with glee, surprised to see that it wasn't a dream at all. There was so much he wanted to say. So much he wanted to do. But, for now, maybe he would let him sleep.

Perhaps Espresso would reconsider attending the ball with him.