[▶] for safekeeping.

sailor

i feel like i'm the most vulnerable i've been in a very long time.

i think it's a scary world when you no longer know how to feel. but when you get used to it

it becomes a bitter current that bides you on a boat, alone

and you miss the shore but you think you're just fine now

that's not until i saw you, though

and you were the first vessel i'd seen in these open waters

sailing for years, with no horizon in sight, just an empty

ink pooling by my feet

the sky without any light

i sailed around your vessel for a while, circled around

i steered my sails further away, telling myself i shouldn't

i told myself i didn't want to be just another person who you felt only liked you because you were so likeable

is that stupid?

maybe.

but you dipped in front of me occasionally

couldn't keep my mind off of you for the eight months we sailed

individually, never meeting

and yet on one afternoon we met on a bridge formed out of

pure coincidence? bravery?

all i know is that i was nervous as all hell to see you again

and yet i'm glad i did.

first time sitting by that river talking to anyone at all, watching the people walk onto boats

asking you, "do you ever look at people and think about how they have their own lives?"

and "to you, the world is everything - but what are you to the world?"

and "who am i" and "what do i leave behind after i die?"

i'm glad it was you.

i'm still heading forth on this rocky ship

i think i see a looming storm ahead

i know your presence is somewhere there now, and i don't know whether to feel afraid or not

but i think i might be okay.

for the first time, maybe

i'm okay with diving headfirst into a turbulent rain

because maybe it's worth it living like this again

feeling, feeling, living, finally breathing

i feel like i've broken out of water after being submerged for so long

lungs finally filling with fresh air and roses and a crashing colour of emotions all rushing in all at once

instead of cold, biting water that floods you from the inside out -

you make me want to be a better person.

adieu, till we meet again -

(i hope it's soon.)