[▶] for safekeeping.

spoken word

companion song: illicit affairs - taylor swift

-

and I want to say I miss you

but honest to god, I -

I can't bring myself

no, I can't make - let myself

say anything else

because I'm scared to push you away and I'm scared that this is all in my head and I know I think way too much for any of it to be good for me, for us

but I could really -

I could really use someone right now.

and I don't know if that's right for me to ask.

I don't want to say anything else because I feel like that isn't right.

and I just feel when you're there, everyday

when you're just somewhere across the street from me yet I can't get to you it just feels so -

I don't know

how I'm supposed to survive holding on without a choice, because

it's not like I chose to fall for you

it's not like I chose to hang on to you

it's not like I wanted to

and I find it so funny

that I told - that I thought

I would never fall for you because

you know -?

but after a single day,

you changed my life forever and I don't know what else to do anymore.

you changed the whole course of my life - you changed everything I would do

you changed everything I said and how I looked at people and how I consider things and how I tried

you gave me the strength

but now I don't know what to do because,

I feel like I'm losing.

I'm fighting a losing battle -

because I don't have you

and I know it's stupid

and I shouldn't have to ask, I

shouldn't have to want you like this

it's not your responsibility to take care of me -

or to be with me.

and I'm sorry.

I miss you so much.