[▶] for safekeeping.

magnolia

songs:
like i need u - keshi
in the silence - leroy sanchez

why do I need to kiss you?

find myself dream in
fractured sentences
broken train stations
find myself aimless in every bedlaid
night

I

sometimes I wish I was somewhere far
far away
sometimes I hate
living so near so many
people
all the damn time
wish I lived in
a less populated city.

I miss being a romantic dreamer.

now all my fantasies are far too real
and cruel for my liking

I don't want it, but I do.
do I..?

like broken faerie wings irreparable I
cannot see a light beyond
what I cannot reach
I
don't know if I can ever find real love.
too surreal, too out of reach
all I want is a kiss.
is that too much to ask?
well, yes..obviously.

climb into the light
hold my hand and pull me somewhere far away
pray that we'll be alone. someday

I hope my heart gives up on this

broken drunk calls
I'm kind of scared that I'll accidentally let slip
everything once
drink loosens my lips
and tips my voice over into
the swirling kaleidoscopic mess in my head
jumping and bursting out at me with five dimensions of radiance
rose pinks, dark streaking turquoise, blood-reds
my fingers are entrapped by all these chains
red string of fate?
bound by millions of silk ribbons pulling me apart all
at once
live too far from the epicentre of my dreams I
fail to achieve real love time and ti-
me again.

are you happy now..?

never tell me
I don't want to hear
I know someday you'll run off with a shooting star of your own
and he'll make you happy, and I'll find my rose
somehow
will I?
I hope I do but
at the same time I don't know if I do
can't blame you for my fears
too afraid to trust a map that's given to me each time
because every time so far they've all gotten me lost.

falling tripping into glassy plexes of solar mirrors
I cannot see further than my fingers
"and though I never say it with words
it was loud in the silence."
and I don't know how else to tell you
when I'm free-falling through hundreds of thousands of millions of metres
with nothing to catch me
stars soar past my eyes and I just keep hurtling down faster and faster
I can't stop, but neither can I stay.

silky flowers brush my arms
I feel the core of me start to crack ope-
tumbling, scathing, burning, rustling,
rushing, firing, colliding, crashing,
spinning, whirling, shattering, splaying-
all the secrets and all the thoughts I had
flow out in a gush
a torrent of all the things I never dared to tell anyone.

I realise how little anyone really knows about me.

kiss me and take my breath away-
I just want to be loved like
lovers do
I want someone to look in my eyes
and feel like nothing else will ever feel this right.
I want someone to want to hold me, to pull me close
to want to steal kisses from my lips at every
sudden second
I want someone to spend their every waking hour with me
to miss me every minute I'm not around
to always want to text me to make sure I'm okay.
who always hugs me from behind because
they know I love to be held that way.
who holds my hand like I'm the most delicate crystal in the world
but looks at me with fire in their eyes, and kisses me like it's their last-
I want to be loved, so badly.

something in me is lonely tonight
and I don't know if I can feel quite right where I am.
i read it somewhere once that
folding your arms was a person's instinctive reaction
to feeling lonely, and trying to comfort oneself
whether conscious of it or not.
I held myself all the way from the gates to the station -
held close, because there was nothing else to fill the silence but the empty
tap tap of
a singular pair of footsteps along the
floor.

someone, please tell me I'll be alright.
my eyelids are heavy and my heart dotted with weighty stars
pulling my thoughts down with their gravity into fire and mountains
damnit, please, just -
somebody hold me.
can nobody hold me?

my words aren't flowing from my lips as smoothly as they used to
or maybe it was the guise of security then
but tell a heart it's red, and it becomes too conscious -
I can no longer step into crystal pools of dandelions
the rosewater gently washing over my legs
and feign perfect innocence.
everything I touch disillusions itself with onyx
smoke, breaking glass
is it so bad for me to want you?

even now my grasp on reality is still slipping  away
no amount of concrete letters in myearseneillkdnùc
you see?
they all become gibberenmjbrindjjù
gknbetish mixed ñniì iuiifdďdďöu
help me.

- fin -