[▶] for safekeeping.

my dream, my everything

maybe one of those days, I'll know.

I haven't had a dream for a while now.
It's been odd. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night,

arms shaking,

fingers trembling,

my body bathed in an ice cold draft.

and I can't feel my face.
I stare into the darkness of my room, and think

"man, there's so much to come
the day ahead,
the new memories,
the things to do,
the friends to see,
the conversations to be had -
but none of them will have you.
I don't think so, at least."

don't you see?

it's not really my choice

whether I see you or not.
I only know how to argue with the voices in my head

as much as they pull me apart and push me towards you again

I can't really do anything about it.
I wish I knew what to do.

the universe is a cruel concoction of stars and milky effervescent dreams, don't you agree?

and it's hard, because

everyday I look around, and I'm surrounded

by lovers and hands entwined and kisses on cheeks and longing gazes
and I can never understand why I've never been able to be loved

the same way everyone else is.

I am not your stereotypical

"beautiful".