[▶] for safekeeping.

soul

sometimes I think
those involuntary little tears that
trickle from the sides of your eyes
when you turn round while you're laying in bed
maybe it's a subconscious cry from the soul
mulling over a sort of sorrow
and you wonder, why?
what are you crying for?
and maybe deep down you know. or you don't.

somebody cries for someone else, somewhere
else
as I hold my head in my hands, stressing about writing a play
someone else is worrying about where they will live and if they will even live
to find a place to see tomorrow.

sometimes I feel like my issues are so trivial compared to everything else going on in the world.
and then I don't know what to do except pray for the souls out there I can only hold onto
with the thinnest thread of a hopeful prayer
crossing my fingers that they'll make it through another day.

and yet I find myself fighting for my death
just as they are fighting for their lives
am I an idiot? am I a fool
for wishing sometimes I could die and be free from it all
but then I also understand that these are humanitarian issues and
there are conditions
I'd probably be the same way if I was forced into a corner
just as they were.
but I never know whether to validate my feelings or not anymore.

sometimes I wander back to
the ten year old girl
who had nothing else to think about other than
sunshine in bus seats
and laying against the cushioning at the end of the school day
which wasn't even that late then, golden
sunshine still streaming through the windows
I remember her bag being so heavy
I wonder if I'd still find it heavy now

today would be a really good day for you to
hold me
cold in the darkness of my rainy little bedroom
I wish you were here with me
I want to hold you
I want to run my hands through your hair
and I want you to whisper kisses into my hair and neck and tell me
it'll all be alright
and that I'll make it through

maple leaves hide outside my window
coffee faintly fading, speckled mug sitting on the sill
wednesday

fin