[▶] for safekeeping.

amoureuse de quelqu'un

Inspiration:

sometimes you have little moments.
and those little moments are enough.
-

• poem ○

occasionally I
flicker my eyes over to my diagonal left
sometimes the table is occupied. and other times it is not -
depending on the hour of day, or the day itself.
when it is, you're always there deep in concentration -
you've always had incredible focus when it comes to doing your work.
even more admirable, since the work we do consists of many different mediums -
a brush spilling multitudes of colour across a page,
thread weaving the magic of form between paper -
or wonders blooming from the tip of a nib of a pen.
(not limited to, of course.)
and they often take hours and days and sometimes, even weeks on end.

funny how
I didn't talk to you much
till just into our second year.
but I hope you know
that you and the others
helped pull me out of a dark, dark place
when living didn't seem fit anymore.

you're really great, you know that?

we went to that concert one time -
I went with you because you couldn't find anyone else to go with -
and it was nice, getting to see an artist
who we both loved
live.
that night, I told myself
to remember that
this
was the last time I'd ever felt true joy.
(before that, it had been more than a year ago -
that I'd truly felt any real joy at all.)
even if it didn't feel like it was when I thought about it again months or years down the road.

I love the times
when we share an inside joke or
song reference
and we only have to look at one another
to understand,
lips curving in identical grins.
one time, I remember raising both eyebrows at you twice,
whereupon you immediately burst into uncontrollable laughter.
(it was a rather impulsive and random action on my part,
but I'm glad it happened because it made you laugh.)
and it's no secret that I love your laugh -
because it's absolute madness and it's extremely, extremely contagious.

you're not particularly touchy, I know -
but I'm glad that
any hug I give is reciprocated
and the arm I sling round your shoulders
you hold onto,
your hand finding the fingers
draped over your shoulder.
(I wasn't really expecting that.)
in fact, you've talked about how if anyone ever hugged you from the back -
you'd destroy their knees.
I still laugh thinking about it, but I never do that just in case.
just in case, you know?
(you're adorable.)

it's funny how I slipped my arm through yours once because I wanted you to keep me company
while I asked someone for a photo
(you and I know who it was - there was reason to be at least a little intimidated)
and you locked your arm with mine immediately and held me tightly to you.
sometimes I wonder what that person might have thought when he saw us -
it was a rather comical moment, actually.
you just make everything hilarious, don't you?

you always make me feel like the happiest girl in the world -
without there ever being a need for occasion.

do you ever get those moments
where you feel like you're frozen in time?
suddenly, it's like the whole world around you has disappeared
and it's just you.
I don't really remember when exactly it happened.
all I know is that I walked next to you and loosely slipped my arm through yours again -
and it was a comfortable moment, we kind of just stood there doing nothing for a while
and then it was like time had frozen around me
and I was wondering if I should reach down
and hold your hand.
I didn't.
sometimes I still wonder if I should've.
did time stop for you like it did for me?

I think you helped me embrace
new music
I wasn't really willing to listen to before
just because everyone was talking about a certain band or certain songs
around the time of their release,
and I never really did like that.
but you've made me fall in love
with echoing, haunting vocals
and grunge and rock and so much more
that really brings to life the essence of
music.
it's quite beautiful, really.

and you always complain about your art
not being
"good enough".
but I think you'll always be more than "good enough".
sometimes I wish I could help you see
how beautifully you blend washes of colour together
and how you capture so much in a single sketch.
you're so, so capable -
I hope you grow to know that.

who else would stay with me on a video call
while drawing or simply talking
till 2am in the night?
it's always been the two of us who sleep much, much later than most -
though you always poke fun at how my sleep schedule is
"far more messed up" than yours
and how I pull all-nighters when you don't.
you always wear that cheeky grin when you do so.
I don't know whether to tackle you in an attempt to defend myself or to grin sheepishly and just suck it up.
most of the time, I just purse my lips and roll my eyes at you and give you a look.

I won't keep this too long.
it's 1am now -
but I know you're definitely still awake.
and I find that comforting
because before I met you,
these hours were always lonely
and now that I know you,
they no longer really are.
(I still have so much to learn, though.)

I miss you from time to time,
especially now that we've graduated
and we don't see each other in school everyday anymore.
and I'll never not be grateful for your presence in my life.
I hope you won't leave like they did -
because that hurt.
(it still does.)
(maybe you will.
who am I to say for sure?)
but I'll keep loving you
for as long as you continue to stay.
that is a promise I can make.

love, bel.

- end -