[▶] for safekeeping.

crossbow river

i really have had

so many doubts recently

are you really just as scared as me

and do you feel the same inexplicable pull

of non-stop wondering and fragments of dreams forming collages of what could be

crystal clear and all at once breathtaking and frightening

of thinking of the other every single waking moment even though

we've really only properly met twice?

(there were more times, but those were all so fleeting)

I find it crazy how much of an influence you've left on me

the guides and stars and spirits all tell me that you feel the same way too

but I never know what to believe because I wonder if

the same thing would've happened with others who didn't love me

if I'd chosen a deck or a crystal

would it have been different?

either way I think

there is so much that reminds me of you

at this rate, you feel like you're part of me like the oxygen I breathe

you're everywhere and yet at the same time

I can't see you

and I miss you and I want to talk to you and spend time by you

but I stand like the forest nymph on the other side of the river

forever fated to dwell within her own forest, a grave for her love as

the man she adores lies sleeping on the riverbank

across from where she watches, bittersweet longing

as she waits for him to finally wake

and forget all the memories he'd shared with her amongst the flowers and the fairies.

I wonder if you think about me too,  I really do

it feels a bit too much sometimes

I'm going to make you some flowers I think, origami

I think I'll write you a note but I still don't know what I'll say

and I hope you like it. I hope you don't find it a little weird

I wonder if you think of the conversation we had that day

and the way there was that feeling lingering in the air like the aroma of coffee brewing around us

the feeling of "i don't want you to go yet" and

"i still want to talk to you"

I know you felt it too.

and now you won't even say anything

and I feel like I've given a piece of my heart away

it resides now somewhere in your house, in the form of five flowers in a bouquet

all folded out of paper, one yellow, one pink, one lilac, and two red roses

and I feel as though my ship has suddenly, once again, lost its way