I Was Never Truly Yours

34

"I um..." Regina muttered, allowing the entity of her body to face the blonde.

A few steps closer to Emma were taken, leaving her a tad closer than expected. Her mind was digging and digging for something to say but all she could do was nervously shove her hands into her pocket. That's when she found the piece of paper she had written on. Regina took it out, accidentally scrunched it up more and handed it to the woman.

"What is this" Emma asked, hesitant to take it.

"Here" Regina insisted, unrolling it out the ball she had made it into. As Emma took it, she noticed it was a check. "It's all the money I owe you, plus I rounded it up to the nearest thousand as a tip"

Emma's mouth dropped at the amount, having never seen that much money in her life. This was enough for her to find a decent place to live and a car. She was in so much shock, she didn't know what to say or do. As she glanced up, she saw the brunette wasn't joking about all this.

"I thought you weren't paying me because I left early" Emma questioned, switching her gaze between the paper and the woman.

"You did a really good job and you put up with all my shit so I thought you deserved it" Regina shrugged her response, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

"Whoa, umm, thanks... Is that why you came all this way?" Emma questioned, knowing she doesn't exactly live close to the brunette. "Wait, how did you find me?"

"I went to Tiffany's and threated to get the manager fired if she didn't give me your address" Regina awkwardly replied, realising how drastic that can come off.

"Sounds like you" Emma giggled, having been able to guess that answer. Regina chuckled a little as well, still avoiding the blondes stare. "So, was the check the reason you did all that"

"Umm... I was going to say yes but I'd somehow hate myself more if I backed out of this now" Regina replied, sighing in defeat at her own nerves.

"Back out of wh-" Emma started, being cut off by the brunettes lips against hers.

The blonde was in pure shock at this, hating how much she missed this. She only leaned in for a second before pulling away, noticing Regina was just as taken back by the kiss. It was evident that was not planned.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't meant to do that. Well, I was but I was going to say something and then, obviously, ask if I could and... Oh, fuck" Regina rambled, her mind moving faster than light.

"Hey, calm down, it's okay" Emma cut in, stepping a little outside her doorway. Regina rubbed her temples to help relieve some of her stress, keeping her head down in shame. Emma had never seen Regina this nervous and shy before, growing concerned by it. "Now, look at me and tell me what is going on? I'm so confused"

"I..." Regina started, merely glancing up at the woman. As she finally looked Emma in the eyes, all her fear faded into the background. The difficult words she'd been trying to muster felt as if they would now burst out of her. She just gave a small crack of a smile as she melted into the green eyes. "I love you... I love you and I shouldn't have let you go"

Emma's whole face dropped. Even after everything they'd been through and how well she knew Regina, she never expected a confession like that. The more she looked into the brown set of eyes, the more she saw how true and vulnerable Regina was being. Emma actually began tearing up a little, her feelings overwhelming her.

"But you- I'm mean, everything you said... You were adamant that you don't love me; you said you hate me" Emma mumbled out, her words feeling like strangers to her mouth.

"I know, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I was... Ugh! This is going to sound crazy but I was trying to protect you from my fucked up parents and my whole family. They aren't good people. Heck, I'm not a good person. You deserve better than me and I knew hurting you was the only way you'd leave" Regina admitted, looking everyone but the blonde in shame.

"So, why are you here" Emma asked, trying to process everything in her mind.

"I don't actually know" Regina simply replied, a small shrug as her eyes met the ground. Emma gently placed her hand under the woman's chin and lifted her face, meeting each others stare. She knew this would get Regina to admit her real answer; it worked. "Because you are the only person who's opinion about me matters"

"Regina, I admitted my feelings to you and you were so cruel about it. It honestly really hurt me" Emma confessed the obvious truth, knowing it still needed to be said.

"I know, it broke me to do it"

"I don't think you do. I said I love you and you called me stupid"

"To be honest, if you think you love me then you are stupid. There is no possible way that you love me, even I know that" Regina cut in, finally moving her face out of the blondes hand.

"What do you mean? I think I'd know if I loved you" Emma questioned, her brows beginning to knit together.

"No, you don't, ok? You may think you do but you don't. Trust me, I know" Regina huffed, turning her face away from the blonde.

"Don't say that. I'm not a child, I know how I feel" Emma replied, barking a little louder than expected.

"Enough, Swan, you can't possibly love me" Regina huffed, growing a little annoyed at this.

"How would you know, huh?"

"BECAUSE HOW COULD ANYONE LOVE SOMEONE LIKE ME" Regina shouted, letting out the few words she'd held in so deeply. Emma froze at the words, her heart already breaking. Regina teared up and looked back at the ground, making sure her eyes were covered. "No one in this world has ever loved me... Not even myself"

Emma took a step closer and embraced the brunette, pulling their bodies as close as possible. Instantly, Regina wrapped her around around the woman's body. Both didn't realize how much they missed this in the long week apart.

"I love you even if you can't... Nothing can change that, you hear me?"