I Was Never Truly Yours

35

Emma and Regina stood in the hallway of the apartment building, both still holding the other tightly. The familiar scent of vanilla filled Regina's nose, reminding her of the few times she woke up in the blondes arms. The more she took in, the faster she calmed down and relaxed in the woman's embrace.

"I didn't realize how much I missed you" Regina whispered, slowly pulling out the blondes grip.

"I missed you too" Emma awkwardly replied, shoving her hands into her pockets.

"What's up" Regina asked, noticing they'd switched mannerisms. Emma just shrugged and shook her head, avoiding talking in case it gave her away. Regina had been watching Emma enough to know all this already. "Look, I don't really let myself get vulnerable or anything like that; you know this. We probably have about 5 minutes before I shut down again"

"Why do you have to shut down" Emma cut in, knowing this was all coming. "Why not let yourself feel and be open... Even if it's just with me"

"I don't know how. I've never done anything like this before. I genuinely don't think I've ever told anyone I love them" Regina admitted, feeling slight shame from that.

"Not even family" Emma quickly asked, not sure she wanted to believe that.

"Does it look like I love my family" Regina chuckled weakly, hating that fact. "I know what I did and what I said was not okay and I'm sorry. I was trying to protect you from my fucked up family and, quiet obviously, I stuck at dealing with my emotions"

"That's just it, Regina, you said it yourself. You can't deal with your emotions, not even with me. If you can't be vulnerable and open with me, who can you" Emma cut in, a heavy sigh at the hard realization. "Whether you believe it or not, I do love you... But I stand by what I said before. I don't want to, Regina, it hurts too much. You are going to get scared and break my heart; you know it as well as I do"

Regina didn't have much to say. Her dark eyes glassed over and faced the floor, hiding her emotions even more. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't come up with a real argument to that.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be" Regina pushed out, badly hidden cracks all over her tone.

"I know you don't" Emma softly said, pulling the brunette back into her arms. "Believe me, I know you don't. But, Gina, if we do this, we are bound to hurt each other over and over again. Neither of us want that"

The pair knew the harsh truth. They just held the other close, savouring the small moment they had left. It wasn't long before Regina's familiar coping mechanisms came bubbling to the surface. She slipped out of Emma's arms and stepped back, having no trace of pain on her face.

"I guess I better get going" Regina quietly and, some what, awkwardly stated.

"And that's it" Emma questioned, surprised by how fast that was.

"What else is there to say" Regina asked with slight confusion, unsure how to act.

"Something, anything that's not that" Emma huffed, already annoyed by the brunette. "This is exactly what I was talking about. You just shut down all emotions and I'm the one that gets hurt"

"You said we wouldn't work so why would I continue to put myself out there and get emotional" Regina grumbled back, offended she was the one in the wrong.

"Because you shutting down is the very reason we won't work. Give me something that proves me wrong! You said you love me, fight for me instead of just giving up. You are literally proving my point right now" Emma fired back, stepping closer without thinking.

"Well, your point isn't wrong! I warned you that I wouldn't stay like that and I was right! Don't make me out to be the bad guy in this!" Regina cut in, raising her voice more than expected.

"So, I'm the bad guy for wanting at least something out of you" Emma questioned, matching the brunettes volume level.

"Like what, huh? What the fuck do you want me to do" Regina asked angrily, throwing her arms up in defeat.

"Anything that proves you actually have emotions" Emma snapped, desperate for the brunette to give her something.

"What, like this?" Regina huffed her question, stepping closer to the blonde.

Within the same move, Regina pulled Emma's face into herself, colliding their lips together. Despite both being shocked by this action, neither waited to deepen the kiss. Regina's hands managed to tangle their way into her favourite mane of blonde locks. Meanwhile, Emma's gripped tightly against the brunette body and held her close. All their love, all their passion, lingered in this moment. It was only due to a loud bang down the end of the hall that caused the pair to break apart. Neither cared to see where it came from, only looking in shock at the other.

"I'm going to guess you didn't plan on that" Emma stumbles out, unable to take her eyes off the brown set in front.

"Nope" Regina responded, giving the smallest of head shakes. As her breath began to come back, her body managed to relax a little more. It was only then that either realized their hands remained on the others body. "You're still holding me"

"So I am" Emma whispered back, moving her face a tiny bit closer; they were already very close. "Your hands are still in my hair"

"So they are" Regina copied, a sly smirk across her face.

She couldn't help but lean back in, reconnecting their lips. Neither would understand the rollercoaster that had happened in the last few minutes but nothing would distract them now. It wasn't long before Regina was lifted into Emma's arms and carried into the apartment. Before they knew it, both their bodies collided against an uncomfortable mattress. For now, they didn't have to worry about their reputation or their heartbreaks or anything like that. It was just Emma and Regina finally expressing the truth depths of their love and it was all they needed.