I Was Never Truly Yours

36

It's a week later. Regina had quickly left whilst Emma was asleep, too scared to face her. She had felt awful for it the whole time but she physically couldn't face Emma after that. All week she had been continuously working and avoiding everyone, just trying to keep her mind off it all. It was late in the evening and she was stressing at her desk. Piles of paper and three different open laptops surrounded her. She just sat in the middle of it all, her head resting in her hands.

"No, wait! I can't let you in there" Bernadette quickly shouted, sounding as though she was running towards the door. Suddenly, the door flung opened and in stormed Emma Swan with an angry look upon her face. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I tried to stop her. I don't even know how she got in"

"How did you get in" Regina curiously asked, too confused to be shocked.

"That's the first thing you are going say to me" Emma snapped, marching towards the desk.

"See, I know you want something more from me but I'm genuinely confused how you got past the gate" Regina asked, not bothering to stand and greet the woman.

"I hopped the gate. The guard was sound asleep" Emma sighed her reply, knowing it was going to keep coming up otherwise.

"Right, he's fired. Bernadette, get out" Regina tiredly said, removing her glasses from her face and tossing them on the desk. With that, Bernadette hurried out the room; she didn't want to be there for that. "Now, Miss Swan, sit down"

"No! Don't you Miss Swan me!" Emma snapped, taking a step away from the chair. "You tell me you love me, fuck me and leave! Who the fuck does that"

"Stop shouting and sit down" Regina sighed, her stress headache growing.

"The way you treat me is awful and yet I am still here! This is the hold you have on me and I want it to stop!" Emma continued, barely even listening to the brunette.

"Emma, sit down!"

"All you do is-"

"I SAID SIT DOWN!" Regina shouted, finally silencing the blonde. Emma frowned as she pulled the chair out, reluctantly taking a seat. The way she stumbled and her tired stare gave away the obvious. "You're drunk, aren't you"

"That's none of your business" Emma cut in, desperately trying to hide the truth.

"We aren't having this conversation if you've been drinking" Regina sighed, closing each of her laptops.

"Well, it doesn't seem like we can when I'm sober either. You'll just have sex with me and then leave" Emma grumbled, crossing her arms in a childish sulk.

"You're still sour about that one, I see" Regina pointed out, busy putting her work things away.

"I don't think you have any real concept of other people's feelings. If I did half the shit that you done to me, you wouldn't be able to look at me" Emma cut in, looking in shock at the woman's words.

"Then why are you here? Why do you obsess over me like I'm worth something" Regina asked in a huff, knowing she sees herself as less than nothing.

"Because I fucking love you, God damnit it!" Emma snapped, slamming her hands on the desk. Her aim was to get Regina's attention; she did just that. The brunette looked up in shock, taken back by such bravery. "And you telling me that you love me just made it worse. All I can do is ask myself why. If you love me, why can't you let yourself be with me"

"All I do is destroy people's lives! I promise you now, if you date me, you will end up hurt and heartbroken" Regina angrily admitted, feeling her own voice calming at the harsh words. "I'm not good person, Emma... You don't want someone like me"

"Maybe I do" Emma softly replied, moving around the desk to be closer.

She took the brunettes hands into hers and patiently waited for her to look up. When Regina finally did, their eyes met. All that sat in the dark pair was pain and hatred for herself. Even drunk Emma could see it. The blonde slowly lifted her hand to Regina's cheek, gently caressing it.

"You're very drunk, Em. Let's get you to sleep" Regina quietly but quickly said, stepping out of the blonde's grip.

Before she could turn away, Emma reclosed the gap. She didn't waste a second to connect their lips in a soft but passionate kiss. Regina knew she had to pull away, she couldn't take advantage of the blonde like this. But it was just so hard to move away from something she loved so much. Soon enough, she mustered the strength and broke the kiss.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here drunk and started shouting" Emma softly said, resting her head against the brunettes.

"It's ok, I deserved it. Come on, you can stay here tonight" Regina replied, starting to walk away before she did something else.

Emma followed behind like a lost puppy, stumbling only a little. The pair went to Regina's room. Emma went to go towards the sofa when she noticed the brunette by the bed, pulling the covers out the way. Regina looked over and patted the bed, gesturing for her to get in. Emma smiled a little as she wondered over, practically falling straight in.

"Are you staying" Emma quickly asked, allowing herself to be tucked in.

"Are you sure that's a good idea" Regina questioned, looking a little worried at the blonde.

"I just want a cuddle" Emma pouted, appearing as a child who wanted a toy. Regina hesitated, unsure whether this was acceptable with someone this drunk. "You give the best cuddles"

"Do I?" Regina laughed in disbelief, having never had that compliment before.

"Yeah, the best" Emma grinned, tapping the spot beside her.

"Alright, I'll stay" Regina sighed, knowing this would continue awhile if she didn't.

She went around the other side of the bed and climbed in, already being cuddled into. She didn't bother changing out her work clothes as she had no intention of staying once the blonde was asleep. Emma held her close, buried her head into Regina's neck and let her whole body relax.

"See, the best"

"If you say so"

Both let out an effortless chuckle. They rarely ever cuddled before; only after sex or during the night. Each time Emma remembered how much she loved it and Regina forget every time. Even the brunette found herself wanting to fall asleep and never leave this bed.

"I love you, Regina... I really do" Emma whispered, her warm breath against the brunettes chest.

"I love you too, my darling" Regina replied, feeling her eyes beginning to tear up. She knew the inevitable ending they were to face, feeling her heart break. She'd never admit it but all Regina wanted, all she needed, was Emma. "Go to sleep, dear, you need the rest"

"Just promise you won't hurt me" Emma asked in a mumbled tone, feeling herself drifting off to sleep.

Regina felt herself desperately wanting to break down. She took her hand from the back of Emma's head and clenched it around her mouth, hiding all signs that she was now crying. Tears couldn't stop leaking out her eyes, muffled sounds begged to be silent and her breathing just about managed to stay in control. It took every ounce of her soul to manage to speak, let alone in a normal(ish) voice.

"That's the last thing I'd ever want to do"