Recommence

Chapter 17

*Harry's POV*

 I'm woken up to the sound of someone mumbling in their sleep. It's probably Niall again, since he's always doing it. I rub the sleep from my eyes before turning over and looking at Allison who's still sound asleep beside me. It still startles me how peaceful and young she looks when she's asleep. There's no sign of the pain I've put her through, of how weary she's been. There's only her flawless skin, full lips, and eyelashes that touch her cheek when they're close. Instinctively, I reach over and brush back the few baby hairs that adorn her forehead and she stirs only a little at my gentle touch.

"Harry." she mumbles, but it's clear enough to where I can make out what she's saying. "Don't leave me." It takes me a moment to realize that she must've been the one that I heard only a few moments earlier. "You promised. You promised." she pleads in her sleep. Her eyebrows furrow, tears escaping behind closed eyes as her previously peaceful expression turns to one of agony and torture.

 I can feel my heart clench and twist at her words. I can't take it anymore. She just keeps pleading and pleading for me to never leave her again and when wakes up and her eyes dart open, tears are still leaking from her eyes.  Her beautiful blue orbs hold a look of apprehensiveness, as if she's not sure I'm really here, scared, confused, and also angry. It takes her a few moments before she flings her arms around me, crying in my chest. I immediately wrap my arms around her, almost crushing her body against mine.

 "It's okay. It's okay. Shh. I'm right here, okay?" I whisper as to try to console her. "Right here. And this is where I'm going to stay." There are a few moments of sob-filled silence before she's able to speak again.

 "That's what you said in my dream. But you left me." she whispers. My fingers hook around her chin before lifting it up to meet my eyes. My thumbs lightly wipe away the tears on her cheeks and my lips leave a kiss to the side of her mouth.

 "Allison, I am never going to leave you ever again. I promise that. I know you might not completely one-hundred percent trust me again, and my word might not be worth much, but I mean it. I love you, okay?" I say. "And I'm so sorry, baby. This is all my fault." my voice quivers and I look down at the ground, suddenly feeling unworthy of her intense gaze. Her hands place on either sides of my face before uniting our lips in a slow, lingering kiss.

 "I love you." she whispers back  and I know she means it. I'm promising not to leave her again not only because I know it would hurt me, but because it would hurt her too. If she left, I know that there would be some deep wounds that would never heal until she's by my side again.

 A horrible thought comes to me and I want to immediately push it away, but like a pesky fly, it refuses to go. I wonder how many times she had nightmares like this while I was gone. Once again I feel that deep twinge of physical pain in my chest. I've felt this many times and each time, it brings back all the feelings of pain and guilt because of what I had put her through. But, I've got to face that because of what I did to her, I hurt her. I hurt myself as well. There were definitely some nights I stayed up, unable to go to sleep for fear of what terrible, agony-filled nightmares my mind would conjure up and force upon me. Nights where I'd wonder how Allison was doing, if she was in a relationship with someone else, if she'd moved on, forgot about me, written me off. And I would've deserved all of it, if it had happened. But it didn't and I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to compensate for the hell I've put Alli through. 

But I also know, deep down, that's impossible. She may have forgiven me, but I still haven't forgiven myself.

 *Alli's POV*

 I wake up with a start, tears streaming down my face and breathing heavily. I'm searching for the only person who can calm me down right now and that person is Harry. Once my eyes find him, I embrace him in a hug, more than ecstatic that it was just a dream and he's still here beside me.