A New York Secret

Chapter Seventy

The first half hour was pretty silent. Steve did the dishes to pass the time while James stayed close to him. I wonder when we'll need to do a mental test on Buck... see how far he's coming along on his own.

Loki walked into the kitchen and over to the coffee pot, only to find it empty. "Do you know how to make more?" He asked Steve.

"Yeah." Steve dried his hands on a dish towel and put it over his shoulder before he quickly prepared the coffee pot once more and set it to brew. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Maybe. I don't really know anymore." Loki sighed as a hundred different thoughts raced through his head.

Steve furrowed his brow at Loki. "Anything I can help with? I don't mind being an open ear to listen. Neither does Bucky."

James looked up at the sound of his name, then shrugged. "I'm good at keeping secrets."

"I'm worried about my future with Emily. I worry about it all the time. I can't be everything she wants me to be." Loki said sadly.

"I thought you two were doing pretty well," Steve commented. He leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "What are you second guessing?"

"In a sense, we are. She's convinced herself that I can just magically become an Avenger, which I can't. She wants me to just fit in with everyone, which I can't. She wants me to father her children, and I can't. I wish I could just snap my fingers and change who I am, but I can't." Loki said, feeling everything roll off his chest now that he had started. "And then he shows up, already part of your group and able to give her everything I can't." He continued, pointing to Bucky. "To top it all off, I know she finds him attractive." He finished, then just walked out of the kitchen and back to the couch.

Steve followed him with a look of confusion on his face. "No one is asking you to be an Avenger, Loki. I won't lie, having your muscle would help on missions sometimes, but nobody is forcing you." He sat beside him and leaned back in his seat. "As far as children go, that's between you two, but Buck is someone she knows about because of me."

"Yes she does, she's told me so. I just know she's going to wake up one day and realize she can do so much better and I want her to because she deserves so much more." Loki said, feeling his voice grow shaky. "I'm not what she thinks I am and she's going to learn that today."

"Loki, I've known Emily for a long time. She's like a sister to me in a lot of ways," Steve said gently. "I won't lie to you, I know her so well because we tried dating years ago, but it didn't work out. I will also tell you that I have never seen her any happier than I have seen her when she's with you."

"She is happy with me, for now. When everything comes out later, please just know that I never meant for it to go that way." Loki said, trying to regain his composure.

Steve reached over and squeezed Loki's shoulder. "She has a big heart, Loki. I don't foresee her turning you away for anything."

Loki gave a little nod, knowing any further argument would require explanations he wasn't ready to give. Not knowing what else to say, he stayed quiet.

Steve turned his head as James came into the living room and sat on the floor where he had a blanket laid out, then opened a book he'd gotten from the bookshelf to read. "What makes you think what you said about Bucky?" he asked, knowing that Bucky wasn't paying attention. "He's not exactly... well enough to do anything."

"He has ties to your team already, because of you. When he is well enough, he could easily be the new member, where he would fit in perfectly." Loki explained.