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62

Taylor's pov

"I don't understand," I said as Angelina gently made me lay down on her couch.

This was the first time I was over at her house, and damn it was beautiful. Right now, I was laying on one of her very many and extravagant couches, trying to follow the instructions she was giving me.

"What you're going to do, is pretend I'm Colby," She motioned to herself, perched gracefully on the couch by my feet.

"Fuck you," I said, and she put my middle finger down for me.

"No, seriously," She fought a grin, "Tell me what you want to tell him. Just close your eyes, and speak from your heart,"

"Okay," I sighed, wiping my sweaty hands on my pants as I stared at the ceiling, thinking of what I could possibly wish to say to him.

"Did you mean it? Did you mean any of it?" I began, unsure of where exactly I wanted this to go.

"The words that rolled off your tongue, words that were a perfect melody that you knew I wanted to hear. The "I love yous" and the "together forevers." Or did you just tell me what I needed to hear?"

I let my hands go to my stomach, rubbing the unborn child gently with my thumbs, "I wish you told me what I needed to hear, the truth. That you didn't love me, that you were using me that we wouldn't be forever cause baby, we were over before there was enven an us to begin with,"

I felt the tears rising, and I glanced down at Angelina, who nodded her head. "Let it all out, T. Don't let a couple tears stop you,"

I nodded, taking a shaky breath before continuing.

"You were bored and I was available and that's your excuse. My heart breaks into a million pieces at the sound of that. I didn't mean anything to you, you don't feel anything. I feel everything, everything at once and I'm about to crack under that pressure. How could I let this happen to me?"

I rephrased that out loud, realizing how dumb that sounded, "No, no. How could you do this to me? This is not my fault, this is yours. You used me for your pleasure, you broke me. Whether that was your intention or not you broke me. All the signs were in front of me, I just, I just chose not to see,"

"And I still refuse to see them, because I love you. I love those "I love you's" and the "together forevers." I love the way you hold me at night and I love the way you smile. I love the way you run your fingers through your hair or run them through mine," I smiled at the thought.

"I am forever grateful for you taking me home after Jake's party, though it's the reason for this mess," I wave down at myself, not being able to look in Angelina's direction.

"I love the way you treat your friends like family. I love how passionate you are about exploring and doing the things you love," I continued with a bittersweet sigh.

"I love the way your eyes light up when you smile, I love the way you get jealous when I hang around other people. I'll never admit it to you but I loved going to the Entrance to Hell with you, and I love how you treat me like the only girl in the world," I turned my head, letting my eyes fall shut as I thought about what else I wanted to say.

"Is there anything-okay," Angelina stopped herself when I held up a finger to silence her.

"But, I know I'm not the only girl that feels that way about you because of how you are. I know when I'm not around, she's there and you forget all about me. I know you open up to her, I know you make her love the way you look in black jeans with your stupid cutoff No Name shirt. Every night I lay awake and think of how I'm sitting here crying while you're out laughing with her," I said with an unamused laugh.

"I know you make her love how you say her name, and how you watch her on the nights you stay over and even though she's asleep you tell her you love her. I know she does the same, admiring your tattoos and the way the moonlight shines on you. But that should be me," My face crumbled, and I sniffed before continuing.

"I should be the one watching you sleep like I'm insane and tell you the things that I have a hard time telling other people. "I love you" being one of them. I should be the one you laugh with and talk about life with, and you should be the one teaching me how to love people without hurting them,"

"I wonder if you ever talk about me," I wondered, "I wonder if she ever reminds you of me. It's been weeks now, and I wonder whether or not I'm going crazy. It's so weird to me that you seem to be okay moving on, and leaving the way you do. But I guess it's okay,"

"Because I know deep down I'm the best for you," I sounded selfish, but I continued, "Nobody does it like us. Nobody fights like us, and how complicated we are. It's a struggle, but I know that's why I haven't left,"

"I know I can fix you, and I have yet to try. Right now, things may be going downhill. I don't want you or need you, but at the same time I want to need you, and I need to want you," I cracked a smile.

I wiped my eyes before continuing, "You're different, and I want to save you somehow. I love the way you put me first, even though you gave me your worst and I gave you my best and you took it for granted. All I did was get hurt,"

"But the mistakes are the reason why I also love you. We could run off with enough love to keep us going and going. You're anxious, and you won't admit it. This is all a mistake, leaving like you are,"

"We are drifting apart now. She's better, better figure, better personality. I see it, and I think about what you two do when you're alone. There's a look in your eyes that answers that thought, and it's not right,"

"None of this is right, but we're doing our best. But no matter what just know I'm here for you,"

"I always have been and I always will be"