Officially Cumberbatched? A sequel to 'Well and truly Cumberbatched'

Chapter 42

AN: Song for chapter: 'Love me harder' Ariana Grande ft The Weeknd.

Sunday afternoon. The library.

...

"Knock knock." Ben quietly said, standing at the door.

"You can come in Ben." I too quietly said turning on the window-seat, my legs
now dangling from the high windowsill; he closed the door behind him, sitting next to me a moment later.

"How was the market?" I asked; he lent back against the window before speaking.

"Every vegetable is a toy to Arty, we could've saved the trip to Hamley's and got him a bloody swede for his birthday! He'll be a strong little boy if he loves eating veggies as much as he loves playing with them, tough grip he had on those carrots, we left with everything we actually needed and everything Arty refused to leave." he smiled, I smiled faintly thinking about it; the curiosity from little hands.

"Had a good time then?" I asked, leaning back on the window, the glass warm from the sunlight washing over the house as the minutes ticked by.

"I'd be lying if I said I did."

"Why not?" I softly asked, he looked over at me again.

"I'd have preferred for you to be there with me, we always do those things together when we get the time, especially with Arty around. It's not exactly enjoyable when the one person I want to be with isn't with me, most things aren't when you're not there. You know that."

"Oh. I'm sorry I just you know." I began, playing with my hands.

"Needed space?" he gently asked, I nodded, looking into my lap.

"Yes. Ben I really am sorry. For what I said, about your past relationships- it was out of order but more than that I'm sorry for not really seeing how you'd have seen everything about Jolyon from your perspective. I don't want you to feel lonely; you seemed so lonely and defeated yesterday. You seemed as though you thought you'd lost me and well after everything you said on our walk, how honest you were, I didn't know what to do apart from push you away because it just all seemed to crumble, it all just came out." I mumbled, his arm around my shoulder a second later.

"Sometimes I suppose I do; Rosie I don't trust that man. I really don't." he said, I nodded knowing that already.

"I know. You hate him really don't you?"

"Always have. You can see why, can't you?" he asked looking over at me; I nodded, exhaling slowly.

"I can, it's just. I don't know. It was hard to stomach what you said-" I almost said.

"Rosie, I-"- he almost interrupted.

"No Ben, just listen. Please?" I asked, he nodded, letting me speak.

"Please don't be sorry for being honest, I'm sorry for being so stubborn all this time about "doing the right thing" and staying friends with him in the capacity I did; I don't know- yes he hurt me and everything but I don't know, I didn't hate him, I blocked it all out, I had my friends and family, you, especially you, to lean on. In a way I just numbed the pain rather than deal with it. I, um, this is hard Ben. I guess I never really knew what to do back then, I never figured out what to do apart from what seemed easiest." I sighed, his hand gently stroking my shoulder.

"I can understand being friends with someone you once dated, loved, even. Of course I am friends, great friends with Olivia but I couldn't pretend to not find it hard to see you be kind to him, it was as though he had some hold on you all this time. I know I was hurtful and I shouldn't have mocked you, I was lashing out, it just frustrated me. Seeing the way he hurt you, the kind of man he was, and frankly still is; yes he may have been wonderful and loving but darling he...he didn't appreciate you, value you in the way he should have, the way I always want to, always try to." He added, faint warmth resting on my cheeks.