Oneshots! (Mostly Hermitcraft)

Second Loss (TVOS pt. 2) [EvilXisuma]

[POV: EvilXisuma (Ezra), 1st person]

TW: drowning, angst

^-^

The legends are true. The Void steals.

I've been left with nothing. No emotion. No feelings. No sensation whatsoever.

It's taken away everything I ever had and replaced it with the flat, monotonous voice in my head. I can't hear anything. The darkness of the Void doesn't confirm or deny that I can see. I suppose I'll find out in time.

I can't feel myself move, or judge where I am in relation to other parts of me. It's not even a cold feeling. It's just a feeling of emptiness that goes deeper than most players have experienced.

It's devoid of all things of pleasure.

Memories. There are a lot of them. They don't make me feel anything, though. They're just scenes that flash in my mindspace before fading. They don't linger long enough for me to discern their importance or register their meaning. They come and go in a flash.

I've been here once before. Time seems to both disappear and elongate here in this pit. I don't know how long I was here before, nor has it registered how long I've been here this time. I remember what it was like coming back, the sensations slowly fading into reality. I want that again. Even if only for a few seconds.

Maybe it would help if I could remember more. Maybe I can conjure the emotion I felt when they trickled back into my body, drop by drop. It was – how to describe it? It was terrifying. I didn't know what was happening. The terror faded in, subtly at first, then expanding into a massive pile of anxiety, if that's the right word.

The mounting terror as the numbness I was used to faded into feeling. I could feel myself, hear myself. Somehow, I knew I could see myself. That terrified me. I could feel the results of my terror, dripping as sweat down my neck.

Next, as those memories flashed through my mind, I felt anger. Deep, seething anger. Anger and hatred that threatened to tear me apart. The need to rip something to shreds and destroy it. Anger at the face that had shut me away in this Notch-forsaken place. I hated everything about him.

Those emotions swirled together, pools of unidentifiable feelings. I couldn't make it stop. It kept going and going. Throwing me around my own mind. I had no control. I needed control. I had to influence something.

That may be what drove me to use Xisuma like that.

Wait.

This is the feeling of... regret? Is that what this is? Panic begins to set in again. No. This isn't happening. Please, Minecraft, I can't face him again. Please, don't let him take me back. He's going to forgive me. I don't deserve to be forgiven. I don't deserve his love.

Maybe I'm overthinking. He might want to yell at me, right? No, Xisuma wouldn't. He isn't the type of person who would. He always forgives. That's admirable, I suppose.

But I don't deserve his forgiveness.

What have I done that deserves it? I've killed him, hurt him, and manipulated him. I forced my anger on him. I hated him for so long.

But the Void steals. Last time, all it took away was scent and satisfaction. It took away my ability to stop and smell the roses. It took away my ability to pace myself. I needed more. I needed to fill the hole in my heart. The cavity in my soul.

But the Void didn't want that. It knows I don't deserve to be happy. It knows I don't deserve the pleasure of sensation. It's taken my rage this time. I vaguely remember feeling the fury at Xisuma from the first time he banned me. That feeling is gone now. Like it barely existed in the first place.

I wonder what physical sense it's taken this time.

My limbs tingle as feeling creeps back into them. A metallic tang on my tongue tells me I bit it some time ago. I'm back in that weird suspended state. That feeling of falling with support. Like I'm staying in a single spot and plummeting to my death at the same time.

I land on stone, the oxygen flowing into my lungs. I gasp, hearing the faint moan and clatter of mobs. My eyelids flick open. I'm met with pure darkness.

Oh Jeb, no. Please no.

I snap my fingers, hearing them click and rub together. No. No, no, no, no, no.

A zombie moans from one direction. I whip around, facing its general direction and trip over my ankles. Too late, I hear the creeper's hiss from behind me. I scramble away as it explodes with a thunderous boom, sending me flying. My back is covered in first-degree burns.

I tumble down the stone shelf, landing half submerged in water. A drowned gurgles, rotten fingers grasping my arm. I thrash, splashing away from it as its grip tightens. It yanks me into the water with it, its other decomposing arm encircling my chest.

I fling my arms out, trying to catch on something. My hand smacks the stone shelf I had been on, but I can't latch onto it. The drowned pulls me into the waves, ignoring my feeble attempts at survival. I choke on water, half of my mouth filling with liquid as I try to inhale. I cough it out, only for more to flood in. Panicking, I swallow more of the dirty water.

My lungs fill up, flooding more each time I try to expel the water. The waves close over my head, the water pressure the only sign of it happening. Water stings my eyes, and I squeeze them shut, reflexes protecting the useless orbs. I cough more, unable to control myself.

Oxygen fails, and I lose feeling in myself again.

At least it happened quickly this time.

^-^ Xisuma ^-^

I watch the drowned pull Ezra further underwater, boosting myself with another rocket. I hit the water at an angle, cutting through the water. I slay the drowned as my brother falls limp, a few solitary bubbles escaping from his lips. I hook my arms under his shoulders, pulling him up with me.

I gasp, breaching the surface and hoisting Ezra's head above water. I stroke for the shore, dragging his limp body behind me. My left hand gropes at his wrist for a pulse while I lean down, straining myself to hear any signs of breathing. Finding neither, I place my palm on his chest and begin CPR.

Admin training rushes into my brain. The steps lay out in front of me, dictating the method of care. I press the SOS button on my communicator, hearing the rockets of a hermit seconds later.

"What do you need, Xisuma?" Cub lands next to me, digging into his ender chest.

"Regeneration potion, preferably with splash." Ezra spits up water, soaking my gloved hands. I continue the compressions, forcing more water from his lungs. His pulse makes a jumpstart, shakily picking up a rhythm. Cub triggers the potion, showering the three of us with its effects.

"You're going to be alright, Ezra," I mutter, watching him take a shallow breath. I pause CPR, watching his chest move independently. I turn to Cub and thank him, pulling Ezra's left arm around my shoulders. I lift my brother, one arm supporting his back and the other under his knees. He is light as a feather in my arms, all bones and skin.

Cub waves as I step into the Nether, carrying my brother to safety.

^-^

Not edited, sorry. Part 3 sometime in the future.

Have a good day/night!