Say Yes

13

Chiara

5 years ago.

Hey samahan mo ako sa sementeryo sa weekend ha. Sabi ko kay Haein habang nakatambay kami sa tree house. It's mom's 2nd death anniversary on weekend.

Hindi ko alam kung uuwi si Ate Yejin from Manila kasi alam kong super busy siya, at mas lalong hindi ko gustong sumama kay daddy. So my last resort was him.

Haein. The only constant person in my life.

After mom died, Ate Yejin went to Manila for college, at siguro para makalimot na rin. I drifted apart from my dad entirely. Hindi ko kayang magpanggap na okay kami lalo wala si ate. Just the feels makes me shiver. Out of disgust.

Most of the time magpapalipas ako ng oras sa farm ng mga Jung after classes. Para pagdating ko sa bahay dinner at tulog nalang. Paggising breakfast at pasok sa school. It was a never ending cycle.

And during my lowest points I realized, si Haein na lang ang meron ako. Whatever we had right now is what's keeping me sane and going.

Hindi siya nagcoconfess, at hindi rin naman ako umaamin. Just feelings left unsaid, but are reflecting through our actions.

For me it is love. He is my first love.

My heart went frenzy when his fingers brushed my hair from the back. Alam ko na ang kasunod. He would put my hair up on a messy bun. He would always tease me mukha daw akong baliw pag nakalugay ang mahaba kong buhok na tamad kong suklayin. May supply ata siya ng hair ties. Lagi siyang may baon for me. And him putting my hair up feels very intimate to me. Siya lang ang nakakagawa nun sa akin.

He successfully put my hair on a bun as expected and he was looking at my hair proudly na para siyang nanalo sa quiz bee. His happy face shifted in a different mood when our fingers slightly brushed.

His eyes darted on my face, tapos sa labi ko, tapos pabalik sa mata. I noticed him gulped several times habang ako pigil ko ang hininga ko.

Until he leaned closer.

Until his lips met mine....

That was not our first. Nor our second.

He had kissed me several times. Purely kissing. His self restraints are very strong.

We were 16. Maybe the age wherein hormones are at our peak. But no matter how long or deep the kiss we shared, he always manage to snap us back to reality. Bago may mangyaring hindi namin kayang makontrol.

Otomatikong ipinikit ko ang mata ko ng lumapat ang labi niya sa akin. Like the usual. Like those other days. Like we already memorized what to do next. Saglit lang yun at umagwat na siya. Hinaplos ng kanang kamay niya ang pisngi ko, and my blushing face leaned to his touch. Savoring the warmth of it. Then he leaned forward again. Kissing me hard.

Naglandas yung kanang kamay niya sa batok ko, as if the kiss was not enough, he pulled my nape closer. And it felt deeper. I didn't even realize I moaned loudly when he did that.

Mula sa batok, naglandas ang kamay niya sa likod ko. Yung kaliwang kamay niya nakatukod sa kama.

Until I found my back being pushed against the bed. Us not breaking apart. Until I felt that familiar knots on my stomach. Then there is an unexplainable heat radiating over our bodies. I tugged his lip hard as I answered his kisses back. His hand made its way under my shirt. Parang apoy yung kamay niya when it landed on my bare skin at the back. His breathings were too heavy and ragged. And I know him too well. He is having a goddamn internal fight with himself. Whether to lose control or held back.