Mr.Cowboy's Kinda Bad

Chapter 42- (Pity Makes Me Weak)

Mr. Cowboy's Kinda Bad
Tatum's P. O. V.

(1 Week Later)

The late August sky was lit with the bright moon above my head. The humid air made my shirt cling to my skin and my hair mat against my forehead.

It has been a week since I lost Addison. Right now, I'm sitting in the place that started our relationship. On the train tracks. I'm sitting on the hill, the aging tracks at the bottom.

I've been rotating between cigarettes and a bottle of Fireball. The bottle about half empty, and as I put it to my dry lips, the liquid rolls down my throat setting my body on fire. Numbing it to the core.

I liked that feeling.

I haven't spoken to her since she told me we were over and ever since then I hear those words replayed over and over in my brain. My intention was to not hurt her, it was to fix her. But I guess when you put two fucked up people together, it always ends up bad.

God, I'm so fucking stupid.

The worst part, I can't get her out of my mind. Every where I go I see her. I smell her. I feel her. But she's gone and I'm never getting her back. I found one of her sweatshirts in the back of the truck and I picked it up. The smell of her perfume lingered on it and like the emotional fucker I am, the next thing I know, my fist is bleeding and there's a dent on my damn truck.

After I fixed the black metal, I threw her sweatshirt in the washer erasing her smell, but never her memory.

I sighed as I put another cigarette to my lips, breathing in the smoke letting it fill my lungs. Every time I smoke it even reminds me of her. She was the one who helped me stop. I was stronger while she was with me, but now, I'm a fucking poor ass excuse of a man.

I smoked until the butt of the cigarette was almost touching my fingers, burning them. Breathing out the last bit of intoxicating smoke through my nostrils, I smushed the butt into the ground grabbing my other comfort.

I pushed back another mouthful of the whiskey, my mind becoming foggy. I seem to be feeling a lot of that lately.

My mind is telling me I should stop the smoking and drinking knowing that my ship date is coming, but I just can't stop.

Slowly, I felt the ground begin to shake followed by the trains loud, wailing horn. The beautiful Night Train.

Memories of Addison and I when we were here flooded back to me and as the horses of the train car galloped away, I threw the glass bottle. It shattered against the metal train cars breaking just like Addison and I's relationship.

~*~

Addison's P. O. V.

The bright red lights on my alarm clock gave me a head ache as I read the time, 2:37 AM. I am so tired but I just have had so many thoughts running through my mind and I can't fall asleep. Partly because the ambiance of Atlantic City was keeping me up and partly because of Tatum.

After he told me he was leaving so soon right after I gave him my innocence, I fled back to where I came from.

I just cannot for the life of me wrap my mind around the fact that he didn't tell me he signed up for recruitment before he met me. If we talked about marriage, why the hell wouldn't he mention it!? I'm not sure why I left Georgia but maybe it was because I was just so damn angry.

Our entire relationship couldn't have been a lie right? I mean I trusted him!

Tears threatened my eyes and I forced them back. I can't cry anymore... When I wasn't working at the bar, I was in the attached apartment above bawling.