aerie (bakugo katsuki x oc)

chapter 94: if only

aerie

   My life is nothing.

All that I have become is a resting place for the most harrowing version of hopelessness, and relentless kind of despair. But the feeling that makes up the most of my existence is an aching, burning sense of regret that has settled in the depths of the gaping abyss that never leaves my chest.

I wish I had never gone to UA, that I had never even laid eyes on Katsuki. I could have just lived out my days hopelessly in love with Tomura, in a state of ignorant bliss.

I wish I had never gone with him at all. All Tomura could have been to me is an inquisitive dark figure, and I could have forgotten about him forever. I wonder what my life would be now if only I had kept walking that night.

I wish I hadn't even run away in the first place. I could still be with my sister right now if I wasn't such a coward.

I made so many mistakes in my life, and all of my own recklessness and stupidity has led up to this.

This is my life now. Pointless. I lay in this bed all day, but I'm unable to sleep. The only human contact I experience is when Tomura comes in to leave food, just for me to take a single bite and flush the rest. Food turns to ash in my mouth, and I have to put up a fight to swallow.

I can't go on like this.

I stare at the streaks of light that shine through the cracks of the boarded up window, and I sit up.

I wonder how high up we are.

~

I wake up one day with a particularly excruciating pit in my stomach. Emptiness is fills me to the point of agony, and I just can't take it anymore. I have to end this feeling, no matter what it takes. If this is what my life is now, I don't want to live it.

I jump out of bed with a sudden energy, like something has snapped in me. I go up to the window, and rip off the rotting wooden boards one at a time, throwing them carelessly to the floor. After I've cleared the window, I take my first glimpse of the outside world in weeks. And just as I had hoped, we're at least 15 stories high.

This ends now.

After a moment of fidgeting, I figure out how to unlock the window. I slide it open, and feel the crisp air of the outside send a shiver down my spine.

But now that I'm standing here, staring at the street so far below, I hesitate.

Do I really want to do this?

But before I can talk myself out of it, I take a deep breath, placing my hands on the sides of the window to support myself as I ground my foot on the bottom of the window sill, ready to step up and do this thing. After another small moment of hesitation, I shift my weight to hoist myself up.

"Aerie?"

I whip my head around to see Tomura standing behind me with wide eyes, holding a bowl of rice in his hands.

I'm out of time.

I turn back around and hoist myself up onto the window, and before I have time to second guess myself, I jump.

But just as my foot leaves the windowsill, I'm pulled back inside by the back of the collar of my shirt. I land on my back, hitting my head on the solid tile floor.

"What are you doing?!" Tomura says, frantically.

I waste no time scurrying back to my feet, lunging back towards the window.