Burning Desire (Alejandrino Trilogy 1)

36

After finishing breakfast, Tatiana and I dropped by Jackson's house. Iniwan muna namin si Tamara sa kanila ni Fate, ang kaniyang girlfriend, para alagaan. Naging close kaagad si Tamara sa kapatid ko, tuwang-tuwa naman si Jackson tuwing sila ng girlfriend niya ang nag-aalaga sa kaniya.

Pagkatapos ay dumiretso kami ni Delancy sa ob-gyne para sa confirmation at check-up na rin. Ngayon ay hinihintay na lang namin ang resulta ng mga ginawang test sa kaniya.

"Kasper, you look nervous," sambit sa akin ni Tatiana.

"Yeah, I am."

"And why?"

"I don't know, what if I can't be a good father? I mean, I can handle a three-year-old like Tamara, but a newborn? I think I'm fucked up."

She giggled and reached for my hand. "Silly. You'll be a good Daddy, besides, we'll take care of her together, right?"

"Her? You mean 'him', right? I want a son, Tatiana."

"No, it's a girl."

"Boy."

She pouted and rolled her eyes at me. Hinayaan niya lang ako at tumahimik hanggang sa bumalik ang doktora. Malaki ang ngiti niya nang sinalubong kami.

"Hi, good day," bati niya at umupo sa silyang kaharap namin.

"Good day."

"Good morning," sabay naming bati ni Tiana.

"First of all, I want to congratulate you, Mr. and Mrs. Alejandrino," bumaling siya kay Tatiana. "You are six weeks pregnant."

Mahinang pumalakpak si Tatiana at bumaling sa akin. "Yay! Another blessing, asawa ko!"

Tumango naman ako at sa doktor bumaling. "May dapat po ba kaming malaman? Ano po ang mga kailangan naming gawin?"

"Well, bawal ang masyadong mabibigat na gawain para kay misis, she's not allowed to stress herself. Watch niya ang kaniyang health, hangga't maaari, puro healthy ang mga kakainin niya. In some pregnancies, normal ang spotting ng dugo, pero kailanganganin niyo pa ring magpatingin kung sakali. May mga bitamina at ilang food supplements kayong kailangang bilhin."

"Noted, Doc. Anything else?"

"You need to come back every three months for her check-up. And other than the things I've mentioned earlier, you're wife might experience mood swings and food cravings. And in some cases, tumataas ang sex drive ni misis, uunahan na kita, hijo, it's safe to have sex while your wife is pregnant, it won't harm the baby in any way.. Just make sure to not be too rough."

Namula si Tatiana at nag-iwas ng tingin kaya mahina akong natawa. Bigla namang may sumulpot na tanong sa isip ko. "Doc, anong gender ng bata? Is it a girl or a boy?"

Nagulat ako nang biglang humalakhak si Tatiana at mahinang natawa ang doktor. Kunot ang noo kong tumingin sa kanilang dalawa. I don't know what's so funny about what I said.

"Mr. Alejandrino, let's wait for a few more months before that. Sa second trimester malalaman ang gender ng anak ninyo. For now, I'll just give you my card, call me if you have more questions or when you wanna book a follow-up check-up," saad ng doktora at inabot sa akin ang puting papel.

Bukod doon, binigyan niya rin ako ng listahan ng mga kinakailangan naming bilhin para kay Tatiana. Hanggang sa pag-alis ng ay tatawa-tawa pa rin siya. I can't help but pout, I can't believe I just asked the doctor an embarrassing question.

"You okay, hubby?" nakangising tanong ni Tatiana.

"No, that was embarrassing."

Natawa siya at pinanggigilan ang ilong ko at saka mabilis na akong hinalikan. Napailing na lang ako at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad patungo sa parking lot. Pagkatapos ay dumiretso kami sa pharmacy para bilhin ang mga vitamins niyang kailangang bilhin at sa grocery store para bumili ng iba pang stocks sa bahay. I picked up some fruits and vegetables and put them in our cart. Kumuha rin ako ng instant and frozen goods at kung ano-ano pa.

"Sweetie, are you craving for anything?" tanong ko.

Umiling naman siya. "Let's just buy some sweets for Tamara, please?"

We went to the aisle where the candies are. "You know her better, what would she like?"

Kumuha si Tatiana ng strawberry-flavored wafersticks, mga jelly textured candies at mga inuming puro strawberry at chocolate flavored. Naglagay rin siya ng cookies at mga palaman sa cart. Pagkatapos ay sinabihan na niya akong magbayad.

Nang papalabas sa kami ay bigla siyang nagtanong sa akin. "Hubby, can I get a job?"

"A what now?"

"A job."

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad at humarap sa kaniya. "The doctor said you're not allowed to stress yourself, and having a job is the definition of stress."

"I feel useless having to sit at home doing nothing."

"Tiana, you have to, okay? Let's have a deal, six months after you give birth, you can have any job. I'll help you with it, but for now, all you have to do is take care of yourself. Besides, someone has to look after Tamara. So, do we have a deal?"

Napasimangot muna siya pero kalaunan ay tumango rin. Tumuloy na kaming maglakad patungo sa parking lot. Nang nagda-drive ako pauwi, panay ang kuwento ni Tatiana tungkol sa pagbubuntis niya kay Tamara noon.

"How did you feel back then?" tanong ko.

"At first, I was scared. I felt alone and I was scared I won't be that good of a mother to our baby. When I first laid my eyes on Tamara, the feeling was unexplainable. The happiness was beyond words, that's when I told myself, 'I'll be the best mother to her' and I guess I did a great job."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Natahimik muna siya at bumuntonghininga. "I know how your life was, I know you don't want commitments and you hated responsibilities. I thought you'll get mad at me, and won't accept her. I love you, but I got scared and dared not to tell, because at that time, all I thought about was Tamara's sake. I thought I can give her a good life, I used the money you gave me when we we're together. I tried to find a job, but I don't have anyone to look after her, so I kinda used all the money and couldn't find a decent job. Then, I finally got the courage to tell you."

"Why did you fall in love to me anyway? I was an asshole, I think I still am. So Tatiana, why me?"

"I was an orphan and no one dared to adopt me. Ever since I was young, I felt like I'm all alone. I felt unappreciated growing up. And then, you came. I know you wanted me for sex, but I felt things I never felt before. Those times when we shared intimate nights under the sheets, I felt something I never felt before. You're the first person that made me feel like I'm worthy of someone's affection. And those times when you promised..."

I gritted my teeth. I remember those times as if they were yesterday. And with those memories are promises I failed to keep. Promises I broke the moment I committed myself to Delancy. I must admit, I felt something for Tatiana back then. Maybe it wasn't love, but it was something special. And that feeling made me promise Tatiana that I'm gonna marry her. Pero hindi ko na natupad ang mga iyon nang iwan ko ang America at nakilala ko rito sa Pilipinas si Delancy.

"I'm sorry, Tiana, for hurting you. I'm sorry I didn't keep my promises," mahinang sambit ko.

"It's okay. What's important is..." Hinaplos niya ang braso ko. "You and I will have a new beginning as a family."

Nang dumaan kami sa building ng dating condominium ko, may nakita akong pamilyar na bulto ng katawan na papalabas ng gusali. Hindi siya nakaharap sa direksyon namin at dahil umaandar ang sasakyan, hindi ko na nahagilap ang mukha niya. Pero kahit hindi ko nakita ang mukha niya, alam ko kung sino siya. Kilalang-kilala ko ang katawang iyon. Bumigat kaagad ang nararamdaman ko at bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

Ano'ng ginagawa ni Delancy roon?