Trapped in my head

Chapter 25

"I'm sorry" she mumbled after a few minutes had passed of which he had thought she had been asleep but apparently she had just taken a bit to get responsive again. "No need to Mer." He said, still stroking her hair and smiling slightly since he didn't know what else to do. Honestly, he was a little helpless. He had no idea what had caused her to have an anxiety attack or what was making her feel so anxious and uncomfortable. He just hoped that he didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't because of him.

He bent a little forward, pressing a kiss onto her forehead, feeling how cold it was. Instinctively he grabbed another blanket, laying it over her and watching as she cuddled herself deeper into it. Her trembling had gotten a little less and she was calming down again. "I'm okay." She mumbled, smiling a little as her eyes suddenly met his. "Would you rather stay here today? Or should I drive you to your place?" he asked, not breaking eye contact. Her emerald green eyes were absolutely mesmerizing. "No I can't miss your solo surgery." She smiled, blinking slowly.

"Well, you can't be in the gallery anyways Mer I wouldn't be able to concentrate." He chuckled, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "Why wouldn't you be able to concentrate?" she asked confused, her brow furrowing adorably. She was so clueless. "Because I would get distracted if my beautiful girlfriend would sit in the gallery. I would look up at you every few minutes to see your pretty face, your wonderful eyes and your beautiful hair. And that wouldn't be good because all I could think about would be having you in my arms or kissing you." he explained, smiling as he saw how she was trying to fight the sleepiness coming over her.

"What about you sleep for half an hour and I'll wake you then. We'll still be on time for work alright?" he asked, placing a soft kiss on her lips, receiving a small smile from her. "Kay." She whispered before falling asleep, scrunching up her nose just like always. He was worried. He understood that standing over at his place was overwhelming for her. It was new, she wasn't in her usual environment and therefor it was logical that she was experiencing her anxiety issues a lot more intensively. He kept watching her for some time. He hated how much she was suffering, even yesterday he had been able to tell how nervous she had been the whole time. He jus whished she would be able to enjoy all of this just as much as he was but even though she was dealing with all of this she still seemed to be having fun yesterday and she had definitely enjoyed sleeping over as far as he could tell. Because through this façade of fear she had been showing he had been able to see the sparkle in her eyes and how she had cuddled into him during the night. Even with the few girlfriends he had had before Meredith he hadn't been as close. He had never really enjoyed cuddling a lot but with Meredith it was different. It was absolutely amazing and he wouldn't trade anything in the whole world against it.

They were awesome together and she would slowly be able to adjust to the new challenges. He loved this woman who was currently snoring away in front of him so much. She was just wonderful. She was strong and bossy but also cute and shy. Very gently he leaned forward to press a kiss onto her forehead. He couldn't help it, it was just too adorable how she was laying there in front of him, sleeping peacefully and although he was still worried he was literally enchanted. And because of that he kept sitting in front of her on the floor, not moving a single inch and just watching her. Taking in her beautiful features.

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Half an hour had passed and they would soon had to go to work. But he didn't want to wake her. He wanted to let her stay asleep because wherever her mind was right now it was safer there. She was free from all worries and as soon as he would wake her up she would be flooded by anxiety again. She would probably even have another panic attack.

But she would be mad at him if he wouldn't wake her up. "Mer?" he whispered, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, I'm sorry but we gotta get ready for work now." He added as she sleepily opened her eyes. She looked like a little lamb, startled by the sunlight, trying to keep her eyes open. "You're so cute." He chuckled, helping her up and rubbing her back as she almost fell asleep on him while leaning into his embrace.

"Are you feeling a little better?" he asked as she placed her head on his shoulder. She just stayed silent. "Mer?" he asked again. "You want me to be honest right?" she whispered and all of the sudden he felt her shivering slightly in his arms, leading him to pull her even closer. "Yes I want you to be honest." He gave back a little confused. "I'm not feeling better I guess." She mumbled in response. "But we have to go to work I can't stay home the whole day again. I need some distraction." She then added, staying in his arms, obviously seeking for his closeness. "Okay." He said, not really sure what to do. Their relationship was still new and therefor he wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to do. Should he make her stay home? Or should he just let her decide herself what she thinks what's best for her. But what if working wouldn't be the best for her to do right now? She was dealing with a lot at the moment, she was experiencing high levels of anxiety and on top of them she seemed to be pretty overstimulated the whole time.

The only thing that he did know was, that he would have to keep an eye on her. He didn't want her having to go through another meltdown or panic attack and therefor he needed to somehow make sure she was okay without making it too obvious that they were- more than friends. A fact that he still couldn't help but start smiling about.