Trapped in my head

Chapter 57

In the evening all of them were pretty exhausted. Although they spent the whole day at the beach swimming and sunbathing all they were looking for was a good night's sleep. After dinner they had sat outside on their little veranda, drinking some wine and playing some card games. After the sun had set they had been able to observe the stars shining in the cloudless sky. It was truly magical.

Honestly Meredith had never felt so good in her life ever before. She was happy. Every single cell of her body was enjoying this vacation. The whole day Andrew had made sure that she wouldn't feel anxious or overwhelmed at any time. He had made sure that the restaurant they had been to for lunch would serve at least three of her comfort foods, he had made sure to locate the café with the best strawberry ice cream, he had made sure she would put on sunscreen again two times during the day to keep her from getting burnt and after dinner he had let her sit on his lap outside so that she could watch the stars without getting cold.

And all those little things were those she loved about him the most. He knew her so well although they had only been together for two months. Right now she was sitting on their big queen sized bed, observing Andrew as he was getting out of the shower and put on his pyjamas. She couldn't help but smile brightly at him as he sat down next to her, smiling back at her. "What?" he asked confused as she kept looking at him. She just sighed, laying down. She didn't even know how to tell him how much it meant to her, everything that he had done for her today without her having to ask. He seemed to take it for granted, he seemed as if it was the most normal thing to him, to take care of her. And she loved it. Because- she knew that she was strong and independent and if she had to she would be fine on her one but- not having to be fine on her one and having someone to- care and be there the whole time just felt unbelievingly good.

"You're trying to tell me something huh?" he asked, laying down next to her, their faces just a few inches apart. She nodded, looking down, trying to figure out how to tell him how much she loved him. All those thoughts seemed to sound so perfect in her head but she knew that she wouldn't be able to express them the same way. "You don't have to it's okay." He said as he noticed how she was struggling with finding the right words. He leaned in and kissed her forehead, resting his against hers for a while. "You're amazing." She whispered, closing her eyes. He just smiled, his heart starting to beat faster as this warm feeling started to spread inside of him. "The whole day you were really amazing." She said, knowing that she wouldn't get closer to what she wanted to tell him and would probably ruin the mood if she would keep talking.

"I love you Mer." He said in response, wanting to lay his arms around her but she gently pushed him away. "Too hot." She said, making him chuckle. "Can we just hold hands?" she asked, keeping her forehead against his. "Of course." He replied, taking her hand in his.

"Good night Andrew." She mumbled sleepily, already half asleep. "Night Mer." He replied, closing his eyes as well and quickly drifting off.

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In the middle of the night Andrew woke up to some sounds coming from very close by. Opening his eyes he found Meredith still laying next to him, mumbling something. At first he found it absolutely adorable how she was talking in her sleep, smiling as he observed her. But then she started to get more restless, tossing around what made him start to worry. Was she having a nightmare?

"Meredith?" he said softly, trying to pull her into his arms in order to calm her down. "It's okay." He said, finally getting her to stop moving and whimpering miserably. He continued to hold her, rubbing his hand up and down her back and whispering some comforting words into her ear. "I got you." He said, kissing the top of her head before closing his eyes again.

A few minutes later he had almost drifted off again, Meredith tightly wrapped into his arms as she suddenly started to scream. He was wide awake, sitting up and pulling her up with him so that she ended up sitting on his lap, facing him. "Meredith?" he asked, gently shaking her shoulders to wake her up. "Wake up Meredith!" he said louder as she started crying, her eyes wide open all of the sudden as she looked around, fear written all over her face. "Hey, look at me." He said, making her turn her head. She was hyperventilating, her face slowly turning red. He quickly turned on the light so that she could see his face. "It's okay, you're safe." He said, holding her close to him as she continued breathing irregularly.

All of the sudden the door to their room burst open and Alex, Jo and Amelia stood in the room. "What happened?" Alex asked, rushing towards them. "I think she had a nightmare." Andrew said calmly, still pressing her tightly to his chest to put pressure onto her nerve system. Alex sighed in relief, sitting down on the bed. Very slowly Meredith started to calm down, getting weaker in his arms and leaning more and more into him the longer they just sat there.

"I'll go back to bed." Amelia said, Jo following her. Alex continued to sit on the bed next to them, apparently wanting to find out what had been the cause of her panic attack. "You okay Mer?" Andrew asked as she lifted her head from his shoulder. She just nodded; spotting Alex next to her. "M'fine." She mumbled sleepily, wanting him to go back to his room before he could find out. "Okay, I'll go." Alex said, giving Andrew a look that literally screamed 'You better take good care of her'.

As soon as the door had closed Meredith broke into silent tears again, her body trembling slightly as she cuddled into him again. "He can't know." She whispered. "He can't know what?" Andrew asked confused, starting to rub her back again. "That I'm having night terrors again." She cried quietly; her voice muffled into his shoulder.

"Again?" Andrew asked after a few seconds of silence. "That's a really long story- it's just- the last time I had those- meltdowns during the night I- it was a really bad time of my life. If he would know he would think it's going to happen again. I haven't had them in so long and a few days ago it started again but then it didn't happen for two nights in a row and now- I thought it was going away and that it wouldn't get that bad because that would mean that- I'm just scared, this can't be happening again." She rambled, sitting up again, not looking him in the eyes though. Andrew didn't understand a single thing she was saying.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her, carefully stroking her cheek with his thumb, making sure she would feel safe and letting her know that she wasn't alone. "I'm sorry that I never told you before." She whispered, looking down. "Told me what?" he asked, still not getting whatever was going on here.

"Two years ago- something- happened."

Cliffhanger haha =) Since you all wanted to know what happened two years ago you'll finally find out in the next chapter although I will probably disappear for a few days