Trapped in my head

Chapter 3

"I can tell you a bit if you want." She whispered after a few minutes in silence had passed. "Yes, I would love to hear more." He said, thinking about laying his arms around her but quickly getting rid of this thought again. He noticed by how tense she seemed that this already was a lot for her and he didn't want to make it worse.

"Well, when I was a kid I had lots of difficulties with interacting with other children. I usually didn't talk a lot and they didn't want to play with me or talk to me at all. So, I watched a lot of tv shows like Mickey Mouse or Peter Pan and adopted a lot of their facial expressions or gestures and the way they were talking and practised them so that I could use them when I'd meet other kids and be able to have fun with them." She said, smiling a little. "And it always worked." She added, making him chuckle. Just the imagination of a little Meredith practising phrases and facial expressions to be able to play with other kids melted his heart. It was the most adorable thing he had ever heard of. "Does that make me weird?" she asked silently and her voice sounded defeated and vulnerable again.

"With all due respect Dr. Grey I don't really know a lot about ASD but just from that one detail about your life I can only try to imagine how hard it must be sometimes so- I think that you're really strong. Not weird at all. Like you said, a lot of people run away when they find out about things like that. Most people think that psychologic diseases make people crazy but that's not true. Because people who have to deal with illnesses like that are a lot stronger than others even if they don't think so. You are incredibly strong and- I really like spending time with you. I want to get to know you. Everything about you." He said, gently pressing his lips against her hair.

"I'm sitting on your lap, we've talked about mental diseases and you've held my hair while I threw up on the floor of an elevator and you still call me Dr. Grey." She giggled, making him chuckle too.

"Sorry." He said, still smiling. "Are you a little warmer again?" he asked. "Yeah, thank you." She replied and over the time he could feel her slightly tense muscles relax. "Are you still nauseous?" he then asked worriedly and she nodded.

"You said your father has a bipolar disorder?" she then said, her eyes closed. "Yes, he got diagnosed when I was 14. At first he denied treatment and it was hard. He would sometimes get aggressive, but he never hurt anyone. After a few months he finally accepted treatment and it got better but- bipolar disorders have genetic marks, so the chance that I have it too is pretty high. My father was 38 when he started to show symptoms... but he is a good father and he is a lot better now, he learned to live with it over the years." He explained.

"The Genetic is the lottery of life." She said, leaning into him even more. Somehow the fact that she had a fever made it easier for her to interact with Andrew and have a normal conversation with him without having any troubles.

"This is so ironic. This morning I was determined to not get involved in something- with you and now we're talking about our childhoods while I'm sitting on your lap." She chuckled, making him smile too.

"You can blame it on the fever." He suggested. "Yes that sounds believable." She giggled. "You're a good friend." She added after a few seconds of silence. "So, we're friends now?" He said, smiling brightly at the thought of being friends with Meredith Grey. "Yep, but that was probably also the fever speaking." She said.

"Hey, we can get you out- n-now." Bailey said through the whole, pulling them out of their little world and obviously she didn't expect to see what she was now looking at. "I'm a Doctor she is a patient, she was cold and I didn't have anything else here to keep her warm." Dr. DeLuca explained to Bailey who answered: "I don't want to know it." Making Meredith chuckle. "Well, she's Bailey." She said, her eyes shut again.

"Wait did she say she can get us out of here?" Meredith suddenly said, sitting up straighter and opening her eyes again. "You're a little slow today huh?" he teased, smiling at her. "Shut up." She said as he helped her stand up straight. "W-wait, b-bucket." Meredith wheezed, quickly kneeling down in front of the bucket before she started to throw up again. Andrew sat down behind her and rubbed her back. "It's okay." He soothed, holding back her hair.

"I'm sorry." She apologised again as he guided her into his arms. "Do you think you can stand up?" he asked and she nodded. As soon as they were standing again the elevator suddenly started to move. Meredith was still wrapped into the blanket and Andrew held her up, steadying her. And then they heard the familiar 'ding' they had been waiting for the past three hours and stepped into freedom.

Andrew was still steadying Meredith as Dr. Bailey lead the two of them into an exam-room where he helped her sit down on the bed since she was shivering slightly and seemed a little unsteady in general.

"I'm going to place an IV, it'll help with your fever." Bailey said but Meredith wasn't paying attention. "How is Cece, did she got the heart?" she asked. "They were stuck too, they never did the transplant, we brought her back into her room." Bailey said sadly. Meredith just sighed.

"Can I place the IV?" Bailey asked now and Meredith shook her head. "I'm fine I don't need an infusion." Meredith replied, hiding her arm under the blanket, wrapping it further around herself.

"Is it because you're stubborn or because you have a problem with the needle." Bailey asked calmly. "Both." Meredith said, not looking up. "Can DeLuca do it?" she asked and Meredith looked up, from Bailey to Andrew. And without saying anything she freed her arm from beneath the blanket. Bailey stood up and gave the insertion-needle to Andrew who now sat down in front of Meredith while Dr. Bailey closed the door behind her, leaving the small room. Somehow she trusted him.

"Okay, relax it won't hurt, I promise." He said, rubbing her arm before sanitizing the spot where he would place the needle. Meredith was starring at the needle the whole time, fear visible in her eyes. As he noticed he quickly tried to pull her attention towards him. "Hey, look at me." And as she did he continued. "I want to make a reservation. At a restaurant. For Thursday. Is there a place you'd be okay with? A restaurant you like?" he asked. She continued to look at him. He was amazing, he wasn't just asking her out but he was also making sure that she would feel comfortable during their date. "N-no, you can chose. Surprise me." She said smiling slightly. If she would make requirements or tell him about her eating disorder he would in the end think that she is indeed crazy. She could do that. She would be able to go on a date, to a restaurant. She didn't want to tell him too much about her at once which was why she wanted to keep the eating thing to herself for a little longer. Because in the end she was scared to be left again. Trust issues had always been a huge part of her life which had been why she had tried to push Andrew away in the beginning. Because she didn't want to get involved in something just to be left again. But Andrew was different. He would keep his promise.

"Okay, then I'll surprise you. You should lay down for a while, get some rest." He said, smiling at her again. "What?" she said looking down at her arm. "I didn't even feel it." She said, obviously amazed. "I'm good huh?" he asked with a smirk on his face. "Really good." She whispered. "Thursday" he said again. "Thursday. I can't wait." She echoed.

"So, you're not scared anymore?" he asked. "Terrified. But I guess you have to risk something to be happy. And- what you said earlier made it somehow easier. Like I said you're a good friend." She said still smiling sweetly. She was adorable, he thought. "You really are something special." He whispered before standing up and cleaning up the things on the small table. She just smiled at him, watching every single one of his movements while trying to concentrate on them. Somehow when he was in the room she felt safe.

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