Trapped in my head

Chapter 5

After Meredith and Andrew had seperated since he had been paged to a patient Meredith took the chance to visit Cece where she also bumped into Maggie.

"Hey Mer, I'm sorry about Cece, we'll try again as soon as a new heart is available." She said, laying a hand on Meredith's shoulder. "Thank you Maggie" Meredith said, "Have you talked to her?" she then added concerned. "Yes. She's fine, but she said she wanted to talk to you when you have time." As Meredith disappeared Andrew walked around the corner, closely followed by Bailey. Their patient seemed to be doing okay so that checking on them was quickly done. "Hey how's Cece?" Andrew asked. "Meredith is with her right now, I think she's okay. Well, as okay as she can be with those circumstances." Maggie smiled sadly.

"Grey is sick she should be in a bed." Bailey said, looking at Meredith through the blindfolds."Well, she's stubborn." Maggie shrugged, walking over to the sink where a small caffe-machine was standing and started to pure herself a cup of it. Andrew just chuckled at Maggie's comment. Yes, Meredith could be very stubborn. But from how he had seen her today he knew that that wasn't the whole truth about her. "Someone else wants a coffee?" she asked. "Yes, I'll take a cup." Bailey said, rubbing her temples. "The storm is still not making any move to disappear. Luckily there aren't any more victims. Everyone is staying where they are. The people are finally coming to their senses." She added, sitting down at the table.

Meanwhile Meredith was now checking Cece's vitals. She was still feeling a little tired and she knew that she still had a fever. "Cece. I'm so sorry the surgery didn't work. We'll try again as soon as we get a new heart." Meredith said, checking her patient's blood pressure and pulse.

"Meredith. We both know that I won't make it. The heart should be for someone young, who still has most of their life in front of them. I've come to peace with it. I'll be okay." Cece said, smiling at Meredith whose eyes started to get a little watery at the words the older woman was saying.

She quickly turned away, starting to type something in the tablet she had gotten at the nurse station. "But let's not talk about me. I heard you and Andrew were stuck in an elevator together earlier." She said, smiling what made Meredith chuckle tiredly.

"We have a date, on Thursday." Meredith added after a little while.

"Then it looks like my last job is done." Cece said, obviously happy. Meredith just giggled again. "I even managed to tell him something I haven't told a lot of people. I managed to trust him." She said, not noticing how she kept slightly turning her upper body from side to side. She didn't want Cece to die. This amazing woman didn't deserve to die.

"And after I told him he reacted amazingly. He was nice, he showed interest. It just felt good you know? People usually judge me for it and turn their back on me but he- he was just- prefect." She said, her eyes filling with tears again. "Even if I don't know what it is you told him, that he made you feel this way through his reaction just shows you how much he actually cares Meredith. He deserves a chance. He'll be good for you." Cece said smiling brightly.

"You shouldn't be dying." Meredith whispered as Cece grabbed her hand. "It'll be okay sweetie. I helped a lot of people to get happy. I did good things in this world. I'm ready to go, you just have to let me go. You are going to be fine, you'll be happy. Andrew is a good guy. Just give him a chance I'm sure it'll be worth it."

"Okay." Meredith whispered, attempting to smile. "And now go and get some rest, you're as pale as a ghost." She chuckled, making Meredith giggle too. "I'll see you later." Meredith said, standing up but before she could leave Cece added: "Meredith? You have to suck all the happiness out of the world that you can get." Meredith just smiled one more time before disappearing.

Taking a deep breath, she started to walk back towards the attendings lounge where she found just Bailey and Hayes deep in conversation. "DeLuca said he'd meet you there, whatever that means." Bailey said as Meredith pulled her comfy clothes out of her locker. "Okay, thank you." She said. She was even more exhausted by now. She could barely hold herself up as she went into the bathroom and changed. She was shivering violently so that she had difficulties tying her shoes again. She was dizzy and very cold while at the same time her mind was still trying to process what was going to happen with Cece if they wouldn't get another heart for her.

As she came out of the bathroom again, the room was empty. She put her scrubs into the bin for the clothes that were brought to the cleaning and fiddled too small silver massage-balls that were magnetic and calmed her down, since they provided sensory stimulation, out of her orange bag, slipping one of them into each pocket of her jacket before leaving the lounge.

She walked through the dark hallways of the crowded hospital, both her hands fiddling with the two balls in her pockets. Now that no one was allowed to leave, the place was even more huddled than usual which was a new challenge because she honestly had only been once or twice at the hospital without taking her medication. And it had never been so loud and crowded.

The whole cafeteria was remodelled into a cinema. Like Andrew had said they had brought couches here and set them up in rows. The last two rows were empty and since she couldn't see Andrew she laid down on the couch in the last row, in the corner. She covered herself with a blanket and finally closed her eyes. The room wasn't loud but also not quiet. She wasn't alone but she also wasn't overwhelmed because of too many people so that she quickly fell asleep. She liked listening to conversations while falling asleep since it somehow calmed her which was why she usually listened to podcasts or audio books to fall asleep. So, her surroundings where just perfect to quickly drift into a peaceful and restful sleep.

As Andrew came back into the cafeteria, two cups of hot tea in his hand he spotted Meredith curled up in the corner of the room on a black leather couch, fast asleep. He smiled to himself at the sight in front of him.

He knew that he couldn't sat down next to her because he was sure that it had already been to much for her that Bailey saw them cuddling in the elevator just a few hours ago. So, he placed the cup with the tea on the floor in front of the couch and sat down on the couch that was standing next to the one Meredith was asleep on.

He looked around the room. A few attendings were sitting two rows in front of him, a dozen of interns and some nurses. They were watching a series. 'The Big Bang Theory'. He had watched that show, it was a good one. But he didn't remember the episode they were watching so it didn't take long until his attention was fixed onto the screen in front of him, his lips curling up in a smile at the memory of that show. He had watched it when he was a teenager. While continuing to watch the show and from time to time taking a glance at the sleeping Meredith just a few feet away from him his eye leads started to feel very heavy and he quickly fell asleep as well.