Trapped in my head

Chapter 67

When Andrew woke up the next morning Meredith was still fast asleep. He just laid there, observing her beautiful face. She looked pale, almost sickly. He knew that she had been stressed and that yesterday had been a lot for her. And although they were fighting, he still loved her more than anything else and seeing her so miserable broke his heart.

Very cautiously he got up, not wanting to wake her. He thought about making breakfast for her, a romantic gesture to ensure her that even after a fight like they had yesterday he was still here. But then he remembered what had happened the last time he had left the bed while she had been still asleep. He remembered how she had asked him to always wait for her to wake up before leaving. So, he laid back down, carefully pulling her into his arms again. Maybe it was good like this. He should try to enjoy the time they had together, even when he was a little mad at her. Afterall she had hid his keys and had made him think that he had lost them.

But it was Meredith. She- she was Meredith. She didn't talk about her problems and sorrows until it got necessary. To her it must have seemed like the only logical thing to do and he couldn't be mad at her for that. She probably didn't even understand the consequences of her actions like he did. She might have thought that by hiding the keys he would give up or return the motorcycle without any further thoughts on it.

Sighing he looked down at her. He knew what he had to do. He had to choose. And although this motorcycle had been one of his biggest dreams, he would always choose Meredith. So, he had to return it. All of the sudden he heard Meredith whimpering in his arms. Was she having another nightmare? Very gently he pulled her even closer, embracing her small form to reassure her that he was here and that she was safe. And it worked, the whimpering stopped and she relaxed, the tension in her body fading.

He felt bad about doing this to her. He knew that he had caused her a lot of stress and anxiety the past twenty four hours and it was the worst feeling ever, knowing what he had done to her.

He felt her slowly starting to move in his arms, turning around, now facing him. She looked so sleepy and absolutely adorable as she tried to open her eyes and yawned. He just smiled. No motorcycle mattered to him as much as she did. No motorcycle in the world could ever make him so happy like she did. "Hey." He sighed, stroking her cheek carefully. She flinched slightly, obviously having forgotten where she was. "It's just me, relax." He chuckled as she finally opened her eyes.

"We should get ready for work." He said, sitting up after a few minutes of silence had passed. Actually he didn't want to leave the bed and just lay there and observe her forever. But it was already half past six and they were going to run late. "Oh- uhm. I- I have to tell you something." Meredith muttered tiredly, sitting up as well. She hadn't even told him about what had happened yesterday.

"What is it?" he asked concerned. "Uhm- I'm taking some time off. No work." She said, looking down. "What? When did you decide that?" he asked confused. Why hadn't she told him earlier. "Yesterday I had a pretty bad meltdown at work. I had an emergency assessment with Bailey and Dr. Wyatt and- they're thinking about admitting me again. It's really bad."

"Why didn't you tell me about this yesterday?" he asked a little hurt. He would have wanted to know about this sooner. Why didn't she understand that she had to tell him things like this. Why didn't she understand that he needed to know things like this. He had been worried about her more than ever before the past few weeks.

"I was scared. And I was- and then we had the fight." She stammered, still not looking up at him. "But Mer- don't you see what the problem is here? Don't you understand? You're not talking to me about such important things. You should have told me." He exclaimed.

"No you don't understand. I need time okay? When big things happen I need time to cope before I tell people about it. I am sorry if that seems childish to you and I'm sorry that I can't act like a normal person. But maybe that's because I am not a normal person. I am autistic okay? I deal with things differently than you do!" she said, her voice getting louder as well as she now looked up at him.

"I know that! But I'm worried about you. And we're in a relationship, that means that we have to communicate! Even if it's hard for you, you need to open up to me!" he said, not even really understanding where all of this was coming from all of the sudden. He wasn't even mad at her but she just didn't understand how worried he was about her. And that they were thinking about admitting her to the psych ward was something he would have wanted to know sooner. "I thought that I was part of your life." He yelled, seeing how she flinched.

"And I thought that you knew me well enough to know that it hurts when you tell me to act like a fucking normal person." She yelled back, standing up. "If you want a normal person as your girlfriend then go look for someone else." She said, close to breaking into tears.

"Meredith." He said softly, seeing how she was trying to keep herself together. "I hate you right now. And it hurts so much." She said, starting to cry and running out of the room. A few seconds later he heard the front door close. "Fuck!" he yelled, burying his face in his hands.