Trapped in my head

Chapter 69

Another hour passed and Meredith still hadn't been able to contact Andrew. She had been sitting in the gallery, watching the surgery on the motorcycle accident while crying silently. Luckily there was no one else in the gallery since everyone was pretty busy so that she could sit here alone and feel her emotions. Which was hard. She hated it. She kept looking at her phone every few seconds but no- nothing. No massage, no call, nothing. And she couldn't stop thinking about the shoes the guy had been wearing. It had been Andrew's shoes. Just the thought of it made her nauseous again.

Bailey had already noticed Meredith in the gallery, knowing what was going on in her head and what it meant that she was here although yesterday she had given her two weeks off. And honestly, she was scared too. Because Meredith wouldn't be sitting there if she had been able to contact Andrew. And since Meredith had told her about her nightmares of Andrew dying and how he had just gotten himself a motorcycle, it was hard for her to concentrate, knowing that this man on the table, who couldn't be identified, could be her best resident.

Meredith's mind was going crazy. Because if that was Andrew and he wouldn't make it then- then what would she do? She couldn't lose him. They were supposed to get married one day and spend the rest of their lives together. He wasn't allowed to die.

Suddenly she heard her phone going off, indicating that she had gotten a massage. Her heart rate immediately went up as she looked at her phone. But it was only Maggie who had texted her. After her little meltdown in the trauma room Maggie had checked her out, making sure that she hadn't hurt herself while Meredith had told her about what had happened.

'He's in the resident's locker room'

Andrew? Was he here? Alive?

She quickly got up, running out of the room and down the hallway. She didn't have time to wait for the elevator so that she ran up the stairs, completely out of breath as she reached the top but not stopping. As she run around the corner of the hallway she then saw him. He was really here. In the resident's locker room, changing into his scrubs.

And the second she saw him and realized that he was okay she got angry. She got furious. Her legs started moving again and she almost ran into the locker room. "You asshole!" she screamed, tears starting to well up in her eyes once again. "You stupid stupid idiot!" she yelled, walking up to him and starting to hit his arms and chest. "You stupid ignorant asshole!" she screamed again, still hitting him.

"Meredith what- what the hell are you doing?" he asked confused, grabbing her hands with his much stronger arms and immediately noticing the bandaid around her right hand. "Let me go!" she exclaimed loudly, still crying. Slowly he let go off her hands but that only led to her starting to hit him again. "Talk to me Mer, please, what happened?" he asked, grabbing her again, this time careful not to touch the bandaid since he didn't know what was beneath hit. Was she hurt? "Stop hitting me and just talk okay?" he said calmly, still not understanding anything.

"You are an asshole that's what happened!" she yelled, her face turning red. He had never seen her so angry before. What was going on here?

"You are a stupid idiotic asshole!" she said again, getting quieter. "I hate you." She whispered, her tears getting more and more. He was alive, he was okay, he wasn't dying. "Talk to me, please." He said, close to tearing up as well. Why was she so angry at him?

But she didn't reply, she just started sobbing, falling into his arms, her knees too weak to hold her up. He carefully picked her up and sat down with her on his lap, holding her close and trying to calm her down.

__________

It took almost half an hour until her breathing had returned to normal and her crying had stopped. "Can you tell me what happened Mer?" he asked quietly, rubbing her stomach, still holding her close in his arms.

"Come with me." She said shakily, standing up and taking his hand, making him follow her. He wanted to ask her where they were going or why she couldn't just tell him but it felt as if he just needed to let her do this right now. Meredith led him down the stairs into the surgical floor and then into the gallery of OR2.

"What are we doing here?" he asked confused as he looked down onto an emergency surgery that Bailey was performing with Jo and Link. "He was brought in earlier. We couldn't identify him yet because his face is a mess. He is really badly injured." Meredith explained, holding onto Andrew's hand as tightly as she could. Not even an hour ago she had been sitting here, thinking that it was him on the table.

As Bailey looked up at them she signalled Meredith to turn on the intercom so that they could hear what she was saying. "DeLuca you're an idiot." She said, shaking her head before focusing back on the patient, relief washing over her as she saw him standing up there.

But Andrew didn't understand a single thing that was happening. "He got hit by a truck while riding his motorcycle." Meredith explained, tearing up again. "And I was there when he came in. And he was wearing your shoes and he has the same hair as you." She sniffled, wiping her eyes with her free hand. Now he understood. "Oh Meri." He said, taking her into his arms again. "I tried to call you ten million times and you never picked up." She said, her crying getting more again.

Letting go of her he grabbed her hand, wanting to get her out of the gallery as fast as possible. Walking out of the room he sat down on the floor, leaning back against the wall and making her sit down on his lap again. "I'm so so sorry." He said, rubbing her back. "I'm so sorry Meri."

Cuddling further into him she laid her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest. "I thought you were dying." She whispered shakily. And right now, he didn't care anymore that there were people seeing him, or that he was a man and therefor supposed to be strong for her. He just let go, letting the tears fall. He couldn't even imagine what she had been going through the past few hours. If it had been her, if there had been someone brought in, wearing Meredith's shoes, having the same height as her and the beautiful hair, a woman whom they couldn't identify and whom was dying, while he wouldn't have been able to contact her, he- he didn't know what would have happened. Because just the thought of that was so unbearable that he had to tear his mind back into the present, the real world. The real world in which that had happened to Meredith.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" she asked quietly, her voice extremely shallow and weak. "I forgot it at home. I- I returned the motorcycle. It took a while because I wanted to get all the money back that I spent but- it's gone, the motorcycle is gone okay? It's gone." He explained, kissing the top of her head. "You're still an idiot." She said, looking up at him, sniffling again. Her face was completely swollen and red. "I know. I am an idiot." He said, making her giggle tiredly. "Thank you." She whispered, a ton of weight just vanishing and her chest clearing up. Those two words, 'It's gone' had been all she had needed to hear right now. 

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