Trapped in my head

Chapter 14

Sitting on her bed Meredith was deep in thought. As soon as she had come home from therapy she had went upstairs and had attached her ankle weights to her ankles since she had needed some familiar feelings to comfort herself. Therapy hadn't been exactly easy. She had told Dr. Wyatt about Andrew and they had worked on how Meredith could improve her relationship with Andrew and be together with him without having too many meltdowns in the begining. She was still feeling tired and absolutely exhausted from her meltdown earlier.

Right now she was fidgeting with her phone, turning it over and over in her hands and deciding whether she should call him or not. She really liked him and she definitely wanted to show Andrew how much their relationship meant to her although it was just like two days old. But those feelings he made her feel were indescribable. She was happy but at the same time it was still hard. Dr. Wyatt had said that it would probably take her a while until she would feel entirely comfortable around him and there was the possibility that every milestone they would reach in their relationship she would experience another milestone. But she was used to it and she had been living with all of this her whole life already. The only difference between her feelings today and all those years before was that she didn't feel alone anymore. Of course, she had never been really lonely because she had always had Alex and then also Maggie and Amelia but- with Andrew it was different. It had been two days but she was feeling so close to him, closer than to anyone else ever before.

Taking a deep breath she picked up her phone, unlocked it and dialled Andrew's phone number. "Hey Mer." He said, picking up almost immediately. "Hey Andrew." Meredith said softly, her voice slightly shaky since she was unbelievingly nervous. "Are you feeling a little better?" he asked her, noticing that she still seemed to be feeling a little unwell. "Uhm- yeah. I- I just wanted to ask- I- Maggie, Amelia and Alex suggested a game night you know with cards and other community games and I- I wanted to ask you if you'd like to come too." She asked, biting her lip anxiously.

"Yes of course! I'd love to!" he gave back excitingly, feeling absolutely proud that Meredith had decided to call him and ask him to join her and her friend for a game night. "Really?" she asked, starting to chew on one of her nails. "Yes! I love game nights! Thanks for inviting me Mer." He replied, wishing that she wouldn't be so nervous. "Okay." She just said, a smile appearing on her face. He just chuckled, trying to imagine how cute her expression probably was right now. "Should I dress up or just casual I- I just haven't hang out with attendings ever before." He said, chuckling again but now it was him who was a little nervous. "No you don't have to dress up. I'm just wearing sweatpants and a hoodie so- just put on whatever you want." She said, still smiling. She did it. She had asked him to come over and that somehow counted as a date. She had managed to ask him out. Well at least in some kind of way.

"Okay, when should I be there?" he then asked, not being able to contain his excitement very well anymore. "Uhm- now?" she gave back, pulling up her knees to her chest. "Alright, I'll be there in a bit." He said before they said goodbye to each other. Smiling brightly Meredith took off her ankle weights and placed them back in her nightstand drawer before walking downstairs and over into the living room where she opened the drawer beneath the couch table, pulling out her pink downstairs ankle weights that were even a little heavier than her blue ones upstairs. She had two pairs since she was scared that she would have to sleep without them in case she would forget her ankle weights for the night downstairs and then be too scared of the darkness to go downstairs again to get them. So, she had the pink ones downstairs and the blue ones upstairs.

After putting them on she sighed, immediately feeling better again. Andrew was coming over! Happily she walked over into the kitchen were Maggie, Amelia and Alex were already preparing the game night, prepping food and displaying their game collection. "Uhm- guys?" Meredith asked, a little shy but still excited. She should have asked them before inviting Andrew. "Yeah?" Maggie replied, dancing to Taylor Swift that was playing in the background. "Is it okay that I invited Andrew for our game night?" Meredith asked, praying internally that they would be okay with it.

"Sure! That's great Mer!" Amelia said, being supportive as always and as Meredith looked over at Maggie she saw her nodding as well. But Alex stayed silent, not replying and continuing to cut carrots into small pieces. "Alex?" she asked quietly, walking over to him and standing next to him, her hands on her back. "Fine whatever." He said before walking away, leaving her behind. As Meredith looked over at her sisters they just shrugged. Why did Alex had such a problem with her dating Andrew? He was amazing and Alex had to understand that. Of course, he was just trying to protect her, like he always did but for once he needed to trust her that she was able to do this by herself and on her own. She was in a relationship now. And he had to accept that.

"Alex!" Meredith yelled, walking after him into the living room. "Leave it Mer, if he comes I won't play." Alex gave back, attempting to walk away but Meredith was quick to grab his arm. "What is your problem?" she asked angrily, tears welling up in her eye. She hated having to fight with her family but she didn't understand what was going on. And somehow she needed her family to like Andrew. "I don't have a problem, I'm just not taking part at this tonight." He spat, ripping his arm out of her grip. "God Alex she was so happy that Andrew was coming why do you have to ruin it for her." Maggie whispered into Alex' ear as she stopped him at the staircase. Alex just looked at her annoyed before rolling his eyes. "Be happy for her! At least pretend to." She added angrily before walking back into the kitchen.

Alex sighed before turning around and making his way back into the living room where he found Meredith on the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest as tears were silently running down her cheeks. He sat down next to her, leaving some distance in between them. "Today was really exhausting Alex. And Andrew helped me a lot. He made it better. So I don't understand why you wouldn't like him. He's really nice." She mumbled, staring straight ahead, not wanting to look at him.

"I'm sorry Mer. It's just- I don't want anybody to hurt you. I've seen you struggle in so many situations when it comes to interacting with people and I just don't want you to get hurt or- relapse to that state you were in two years ago. I want you to be happy. And I guess that- if he makes you happy then I should try to trust you." He said, making her smile a little.

"Yes he makes me happy. And I promise I won't let it get that far again. Never." She whispered, looking up at him now. "Okay." Alex gave in, smiling at her slightly before passing her a tissue to wipe away her tears. "You really like him don't you?" he asked curiously, somehow proud of her while he was at the same time still extremely worried. "Yeah, I really like him a lot." She admitted, still waiting impatiently for him to come over. She couldn't wait to spend more time with him. Because every single second with him just felt absolutely amazing.