Tangled ✓

Brother's agony

~~Neeraj~~

Smashing the glass vase against the wall of our living room hasn’t given me any comfort. Crashing the glass table against the floor hasn’t given me any comfort. With the rage that is bursting through me like a volcano which I hadn’t even tried to stop, I kicked the couch. I threw the cushions. I smashed the flower pots against the wall. I threw the lamps against the marble floor. The chaos I created in our living room doesn’t even compare to one percent of the chaos that’s bubbling within me. I took the nearest thing into my hand and aimed it at the TV. The cracks that formed on the screen resemble the cracks that just now formed in my heart. 

"Bhai!! Calm down." Dhiraj tried to hold me but I just wriggled out of his grip. I can't hold back the anger that's seeping through me. I need it out. 

"Neeraj! You need to control yourself." At my father's voice the rage burst out like a lava. Freeing myself from Dhiraj's hold, I charged towards my father. 

I tightly held his collar, "When do you know this?" He flinched at my voice but I couldn't care less, "When do you know this?" I roared.

"Soon…. Soon… after Robin's death. Prakash returned back to India with Advika and Adiraj. He… he met with us."

"How long? How long has it been?" I roared again, tightening my hold over his collar.

"A… Around… 2… 2… years ago…."

"You cheater!" I backed him towards the wall, "How could you do this to me!!" I roared trying my level best not to smack his face.

"I.. I was.. scared, Neeraj." This time I hadn't hesitated to raise my hand but before it could touch his face, someone pulled me back, "Bhai! Calm down."

How the hell can I even calm down! This man robbed me of my rights, "I deserve to know. He is my brother!!" I spat out. 

"Trust me Neeraj. I wanted to tell ……" 

"But you didn't tell." I roared. How can he not tell? What was he even thinking by hiding this thing from me? This is not some little puppy issue to brush off! 

"I.. I was scared. I was worried."

"Enough." I roared. Enough of his bullshit. "You dare to speak again!! I…." Before I could finish the statement, I broke down. The pain that's surging through me like ocean waves on a full moon day have finally burst out of the shore, pulling me into them. 

I completely broke down not wanting to hold back anymore nor wanting to fight it anymore. Warm tears left my eyes. My heart squeezed tight and a huge scream left my mouth. 

"Robin!!" I cried out. I cried out for my brother for the nth time. In these past 10 years there isn't a day that I haven't cried for him. There isn't a day that I haven't missed him. There isn't a day that I haven't searched for him. My Robin. My little one whom I named myself. Whom I pampered all those years. Whom I protected all those years. Now, how can I? 

How can I believe that he is no more? All these years I kept on hoping that I'll find him some day. Bring him home some day. Take him into my embrace some day and erase every pain of him. Now, where is he?

Why hadn't I protected him that day? Why had he left me in the first place? Doesn't he know that this Bhai of his will break down the hell to keep him safe? Doesn't he know that I will burn this world to keep him protected? 

God!! Why are you this pathetic? How can you be this cruel? My chote (little) was out there…. Suffering…. But you let him suffer alone! He has an entire family who will erase his every hardship! Then why did you leave him alone? How can you do this?