Tangled ✓

Trust??

~~Advika~~

I traced Viraj's outline delicately on the photo frame, wishing again that it was actually him I'm touching. Look how he is smiling at me in this photo. Is he happy in heaven leaving us here? No, he will definitely not be. 

Hugging his photo to my chest, I leaned back on the couch and rested my head back. Sighing for the nth time, I again recollected our last discussion. It's been 2 days. And I still feel terrible, confused. Never had I expected that everything would turn out like this.

My initial thoughts with this marriage were to solely give a father to Adiraj. I know, I thought selfishly back then and even hadn't properly communicated the same to Jaiveer before marriage. And it led to our current situation. And when Jaiveer shocked me by asking for a divorce, I composed myself, comforting myself that being married to another person who is not my Viraj is something that I can never do and this can be the best thing. And also, it is foolish on my part to think that some other man will father my baby. 

Though my mind kept on telling me the same, my poor heart couldn't stop hoping. Just like Jaiveer pointed out, it hoped for a warm place, it hoped for having a person who provides support, it hoped for having a person to be called as mine. And that idiot heart of mine thought it would be Jaiveer. I still don't understand why it thought like that. Doesn't it know from the start that Jaiveer isn't mine? Doesn't it know from the start that Jaiveer is not the person that I can lean on. 

Right at that moment, everything flashed in front of my eyes. Jaiveer trying to explain our situation and asking for a divorce, Jaiveer telling sorry after our first small fight. Jaiveer steering me away from the media people by cocooning me in his embrace. Accompanying me to Harsh's party. Accompanying me to Delhi. Being there with me for Adiraj's hospital check ups. Saving us from the accident in Delhi. Showering his care on Adiraj. 

They might not be much, but they mean so much to me. And those are enough for my poor heart to yearn for him. This is wrong. This is all wrong. I cannot even think about another person. There is only Viraj for me. It's only Viraj and it's always him. Not wanting to hold them any longer, I burst out. I let all the emotions that have been pent up within me from the last 2 days. 

Hugging Viraj's photo tight to my chest, I cried. I kept on crying and crying. 

"It's about time, Advi." A gentle voice sounded near me and I felt him stroke my hair. Trying to calm down, I opened my eyes to see him kneeling down in front of me. Blinking my tears away, I looked into his eyes and noticed the worry towards me. 

"It's not." I choked out. "It's never." 

10 years. 10 years of my relationship with Viraj is not something that I can let go. I can never let him go from me. 

Immediately, he wrapped his hands around me, tightly holding me against his chest. 

"Advi, I'm not telling you to forget him." Harsh started gently, "I'm not telling you to move away from him. I'm not telling you not to cry anymore." 

Sighing, he pulled me back and climbed up on the couch to sit beside me. Wiping my tears away, he cupped my face, "I'm telling you that it's about time to start your life."

I just blinked my eyes at him. 

"You have stopped with Viraj. You're breathing. That's it. And you're doing that for Adiraj."

I bit my lip at his words, trying to not choke out. 

"Advi, accept the fact that you are your own person. Accept the fact that you have to take a step for your own good and I know for sure that Viraj will be with you in each and every step of yours."