Forbidden Obsession || ʸᴬᴺᴰᴱᴿᴱ! ᵀᴱᴬᶜᴴᴱᴿ! ᵀᵉʳᵘˢʰⁱᵐᵃ ˣ ᶠᵉᵐ! ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

#43- Troubling Feelings

- Coммeɴтѕ αɴd Voтeѕ αre αpprecιαтed★

╰┈➤ ❝ [Troubling Feelings] ❞

“Fine, you know what? I needed to clear my head either way.” Making my way over to the coach, I let my head fall over my crossed arms. Throwing my feet over the end of the coach as I stare into the pitch black darkness. 

I’m not one to lie, and somewhere in the back of my head, I did regret it, even if it was a little feeling. I never wanted to hurt anyone, and I especially didn’t want Futamata to get all caught up in this, because he was the last person I could turn to.

Turning on my side, I pull the pillow underneath my head, trying to find some sort of comfort within the silence. The wind picked up even harder outside as I focused on my breathing instead. Mind silent and void of any thoughts, only for the intense feeling of ringing filling my ears beginning to annoy me. 

Shutting my eyes, I let the dark consume me, the sound of banging filling the house. Sitting up in a hurry, it appears to have only been the tree branch outside banging on the window, letting out a sigh of relief as my anxiety lowered itself, my head falls into my hands. Pushing my hair back as I slide my arm down my face, “I’m tired.” 

I heard the faint sound of someone whispering, only to hear it call out to me again, “Mr. Terushima..?” However, I was quick to realize that it had been Y/n, standing up I headed to the door leading to the room she was held in. Yet a feeling within me wouldn’t settle down, was it pity? Sorrow? Sympathy? I was never one to understand my feelings in the first place. Slowly wrapping my fingers against the door knob, I stilled. 

What was I doing? 

Resting my forehead against the door, I stared at my shoes, brows drawn together as I tried to come up with a logical reason. But I came up empty handed every single time. The sigh that left my lips only further proved to show how bothered I’d become.

What’s gotten into me lately? Night terrors? Anxiety? Anxiousness? Anger issues? Problem controlling my emotions and breathing? I didn’t like the spiking feeling of adrenaline that coursed through my veins at the smallest thought of any problem arising. 

Should I even walk through this door? “Mr. Terushima… are you there?” There was her voice again, begging for some sort of comfort within the suffocating walls. I chuckled, more like an airy chuckle though as I felt something within my gut stir. 

Pushing the door open, I find Y/n with her head between her knees as she sits at  the corner of the wall on the furthest side of the room, “Yes Y/n? What is it?” I softly ask, if I couldn’t be strong and control myself, for myself, what use was there? 

Yet that answer I so desperately search for appears whenever I see her, (h/c) hair a couple more shades darker from the lack of light. Innocent (e/c) eyes turning to look up at me as they held a few intense emotions behind them. 

If you asked me to describe it, I’d probably say something along the lines of them being a mixture of both terror and nervousness, sometimes hatred flowing in the corner of your (e/c) irises. 

Maybe… no not maybe, I knew I should know how to control those internal feelings and that I shouldn’t let them surface, but the moment I meet eyes with her, my walls crumble completely, letting my guard down, shattering along the ground. It drove me mad, crazy even, wanting to let my knees fall to the ground from the overwhelming emotions soaring through me. 

If I wasn’t so afraid to let her go, maybe I’d turn myself in, ask Futamata to turn me in even, to help save his career from getting corrupted.

But I was too selfish to do something so heroic like that.

She probably sees me as a villain anyways, doesn’t she? Hands painted and covered in blood, heart heavy with the feeling of the evilness inside blooming bigger, turning it black. Face void of any emotions as I stare at my hands as if I could turn back time and fix everything I had ruined, including her. 

“Do you need something?” Maybe I could fool myself into thinking I wasn’t such a horrible person as the back of my mind made me to be. Bringing her comfort gave me some in return in a way. 

“I’m cold,” she whispered, teeth shattering against each other as she pulled her hoodie closer to her body. Eyes looking down to the ground as she waited patiently for some sort of answer. I let my head lean against the door frame, studying her closely for the first time in a while. Even though the room was dark, I could still see her clearly.

Her eyes looked tired, as if she hadn’t gotten any proper rest in a long time, eye bags settling underneath as if they would stay permanently, prompting into an even deeper shade. Her (h/c) hair was messy, tangled up as she leaned deeper into herself. Her form had gotten slightly thinner too, watching as she pointed the tips of her shoes together, messing with the laces. Dirty clothes as she fluttered her eyes shut for a second too long, almost as if she was falling asleep soon. It hurt to see her like that.

Would I look any different? Or would I look worse? Like an adult about to get sent into the madhouse? 

Sighing, I push away from the door frame, lifting a blanket off the pile on the chair as I step inside, locking the door after me. “Come here,” I muttered, stepping closer to her as I sat down on the floor by her. Arms open to let her dive into the warm embrace I was offering, she hesitated before lowering her head into my chest. 

“Mr. Terushima?” I hummed, letting her carry on with her sentence as I threw the blanket over the both of us, she lifted her eyes slightly, “You won’t hurt me again, will you?”

‘Again’ rang like my head through a bullet, I wanted to laugh, did you fear me so much that you had to ask me such a thing? 

I guess I deserved it. Yet I still wanted to say I didn't.

“No,” I bluntly said, not trusting myself either, “Just get some rest, you look tired.” 

She did, closing her eyes as her breathing became slower much faster than I expected. “You must have been really tired, huh?”