Forbidden Obsession || ʸᴬᴺᴰᴱᴿᴱ! ᵀᴱᴬᶜᴴᴱᴿ! ᵀᵉʳᵘˢʰⁱᵐᵃ ˣ ᶠᵉᵐ! ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

#45- Mind Breaking

(Unedited)

Silence is a simple thing- but then again it honestly isn't. There can be several reasons to it, and just as similarly, many assumptions for it.

People can mistake it for anger, sadness, a struggle, or all of the above, but my silence isn't any of those, or at least not right now; my silence was caused out of my own mind, I just don't feel the energy to start a conversation.

My throat is dry and I don't carry any honest and meaningful words in my heart. If there's isn't anything truly meaningful, why share it? In my mind, it's meaningless.

I suppose this is simpler in a way too, mu j easier then letting bottled up frustration burst open and forcibly bruise yourself, or in worst case scenarios- someone else.

Sometimes even I'm not sure when I might have an accidental outburst. I know, I've already been told I'm a hazard to others and myself. But I've never wanted to be so in the first place. I just wanted something- someone, I could care for and prove them all wrong, show them I am capable of cherishing something meaningful to me.

I've heard a phrase countless of times after my mother died, people turning to look at me with pity but nothing less as they stared shamelessly at me as if I could be hear nor see their preying eyes or words.

"What a pity, isn't it? The poor boy didn't deserve any of that! I hope Yuuji Terushima grows up nothing like his useless mother!"

I don't recall where I heard a specific sentence, but I've memerised ever since I first listened to it, 'Sometimes we wonder why bad things happen to us, but sometimes we deserve those things because of our own actions.'

'Sometimes it isn't even your own fault, but that badness at the bottom of someone else heart turns to us and seeks hurt and damage as compensation for their actions.'

I, never did anything bad growing up, I, didn't deserve any of this. I, could have lived without their judgeful eyes.

Silence, I've always seen everyone take it for granted.

It was easy to act like I didn't mind my mother was dead, she was almost never really there before she died in all honesty. I almost didn't even feel like I was acting.

But like everything else, those people just can't keep their mouths shut. It wasn't long before I began high school as a freshman, carrying a small paper bag with a small sandwich I made myself the previous night. It was a nervous sensation at the pit of my stomach as I walking through the halls of my new school.

It wasn't until I was pushed that I fell to the floor because I lost my balance. There was a boy just around the same age as me! He had a smile talking with his friends before he quickly turned to me as he offered his hand to help me back up. "Sorry about that! I didn't see you their, let me help you up!"

I almost felt normal, even I felt shameful at not having felt like so before. If I were being honest, I thought we could have been close friends right there and then too. Except like all good things, then eventually fall apart, I just didn't expect it to be so soon.

My hand had just briefly brushed his before he quickly pulled his arm back, looking at me as some kind of filth. I only tilted my head in wonder as I felt confusion as his expression made me question my own sense of belonging.

There was a girl beside him, she had short wavy hair that was a light honey blonde. "Isn't he that kid?"

Huh?

"Yeah, I heard he was homeless or something like that. What a sucker! To thing I almost let a lowlife touch me!" He spoke, shaking his hand as if there was some sort of deadly virus from my touch.

What are they talking about? I made sure to look decent and presentable. I could feel my smile crack and begin to falter as I felt a stinging right at my heart.

I was just a kid, I didn't think before I did what I did, or maybe it was because I just couldn't. I didn't realize what I had done until I did it.

Before I noticed, I had grabbed the skateboard out of my bag and slammed it right against his ankles as a painful crack went through the halls. He had hit the floor with a cry just as loud, but I couldn't hear any of it. Not when my hands were shoving his back to himself as he scratched at my arms and pushed at my stomach as I got on top of him. Not when I brought my skateboard down delivering a hard blow to his face.

There was a faint shout from somewhere behind me before I heard heavier footsteps rushing towards us. "I NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG, I DON'T DESEVRE ANY OF THIS SHIT! WHY THE HELL CAN'T ANY OF YOU SEE?!"

I felt like an outcast to put it simply, the way the hall suddenly held large groups of crowds as people watched a teacher lift me away from the badly injured kid on the floor, they were looking at me like some kind of zoo animal.

It wasn't long after that, that I was forced to go into therapy for being 'mental ill'. It was no illness, I wasn't even ill, it was all those people, can't you see I'm the victim?!