Love At First Kick

104

We went to that hotel he mentioned earlier and checked in. I guess it makes sense to stay. It's another 3-4 hour drive back, and he had more than enough happen in one day.

He was weirdly and almost creepily calm. He was just like his usual self. He showered and changed. He even hummed to himself while taking things in and out of his bag.

'Um, Jimin. Have a sec?' I am so scared to even ask, but I'm genuinely concerned

'Everything okay, baby?' He asks, then sits next to me, gently stroking my hair

'I was actually about to ask you the same.' I admit

'What do you mean?' He looked a bit confused

'Can you tell me what you're thinking? Or feeling? You seem incredibly relaxed, and you just had a hell of a day. Are you sure you're alright?' I don't wanna poke the bear with a stick, but I don't want him to hide anything from me

'Honestly, I don't know.' He smiles. 'I won't lie. What he told me earlier shocked the shit out of me, but I was more shocked by the fact that I didn't feel sad at all.' He looked down at our hands as he was playing with my hand. 'I was actually kind of happy, as sick as it sounds. I was happy that karma or whatever it is, got to him. A person like him shouldn't exist. I only feel bad that I don't feel bad.'

'Look at me.' I lift his face a bit. 'I don't think anyone would feel sad if they were you. You went through a lot because of that person.'

'I was afraid of myself back there. The things I said to him... I felt like him. I felt like I turned into him.' He suddenly broke down crying, hugging me tightly. His fingers were clutching my shirt tightly, kind of like what a child does when it cries.

'You could never be like him, Jimin. Not ever. You are the complete opposite.' I'm holding him as tight as I can, feeling his hot tears dripping on my shoulder

'You don't understand. I didn't say those things to him just to hurt him. I meant every single word of it. And I felt good saying all of it. No one should be able to say something like that and feel good. No one.' He can barely talk

'Shhhh... it's okay...' I kissed him on the hair, talking right into his ear. 'Everything you said to him was nothing short of what he deserves. If you're a bad person, then I am, too. I think you were right to tell him all of that. He deserves to feel everything, just as you felt all of it growing up. You didn't say anything that wasn't true.'

'I never thought I'd be capable of saying those words.' He hicked up. 'It was as if I couldn't stop myself. I just spat it all out, even mocking him. He is dying, and all I could say to him was that I hope he suffers. What kind of a person does that?!'

'A person who spent their life suffering at the hands of the person dying. He caused you more pain and tears than he could ever feel. I wished for the same things you did. Just listening to you talking about everything he did, I wanted to snap every bone in his body then and there.' I just remembered it. Everything he said he did. 'He's not a person. I would call him an animal, but it would be an insult to animals.'

'You don't think I went too far?' He looks up at me.

'Yes, you have. But you had every right to do so. And I agree with you 100 %. I'm right there with you. I promise.'

'Is it awful that I feel happy because I'll never see him again?' His eyes are so red and puffy from all the tears

'Not at all. He was someone who was lurking over your shoulder for most of your life. I bet you're feeling so relieved to be rid of the weight you've been pulling behind.' I caress his face, and he leans into my hand a little

'It might be an awful thing to say, but I am relieved. I truly never wanted to see him again. He could have died without me knowing, and I wouldn't be bothered. I don't even know why he had to tell me. What did he expect?!'

'Shhh.. calm down.' I wipe his tears away. 'People get scared when they're dying. I guess he wanted to have you by his side. Which I would understand if he ever treated you like his son. Or a person at all. But he never did. So the fact he's dying and is all alone is no one's fault but his own.'

'What if I made a mistake. What if I regret it later? Not being by his side.'

'Do you regret telling him any of this? Do you wish to be by his side? Even in the slightest?'

'No. I know I don't.' He sniffles

'Then there is no need to beat yourself up over it. If later you decide you want to see him, I'll support you. No matter what you decide, I'll be right with you. But don't decide things based on how he feels. Decide it based on your own feelings. Okay?'

He nodded lightly, wiping his face. 'You're right. I think I'm just thinking too much into it. I need to put myself first before that asshole.'

'No matter what, I'll always support you. I promise.' I smile, giving him my pinky

He wrapped his around mine, smiling lightly back at me.

'In sorry. I know it must have been awful hearing me say all that. I know that's not me. I just turn into that when I'm around him. I was afraid you'd be scared of me after you heard all of that. I sounded like a complete psychopath.'

'Jimin, we've been together for a while now. I know you better than anyone, and I know that's not who you are. You are loving and caring. You are honest and pure. You are smart and incredibly mindful of everyone you care about. Just because someone draws something bad out of you, it doesn't make you a bad person. We all have our good and bad sides.' I gently hold his face 'And I love both of yours.'

'I hope I never have to show this side again. Especially not to you.' He mumbled the last part, but I heard him clearly

'It's okay to not always be at your best. And I don't want you hiding yourself away from me. I will love you no matter what. So show me all the sides, and I'll do the same.' I smile

'I think I've seen your crazy sides. I'm good.' He jokes a little. Good. He's finally relaxing

'That's just rude.' I joke along, making him snort a bit. 'Can I ask you another question?'

'You can ask me anything.' He smiles

'What are you hiding in your drawer?'

I saw his eyes shoot wide open, and it looked like he stopped breathing for a moment.
'What drawer?' He composed himself and tried playing dumb

'Nice try.' I giggle. 'You can't lie to me. You should know that by now.'

'Yes. I can see that. You damn witch.' He clicks his tongue. 'And it would defeat the purpose of me hiding something if I was doing to tell you about it.'

'Sooo, I can't see it?' I pout

'Nice try giving me those puppy eyes, but no.' He giggles. 'Be patient. And stop asking.' He lightly flicks me, making me click his tongue at him

'But I wanna knoooow.' I pout again

'And you will. Just not today.' He is so happy with himself

'Fine. I'll leave it. For tonight.' I point my finger at him, just so he knows he's not off the hook yet

He chuckled in defeat.
'Yep. Crazy.'