Fighter: Dean Winchester (REVAMPED VERSION)

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April '09

I finished the first book today—a dense, detailed account of the family's unraveling that eventually led to Lucifer's fall. It's safe to say I learned more than I expected. My mother's relationships with her brothers were far more complex and layered than I thought.

One of the biggest surprises? She wasn't just close to Lucifer; she was closest to him. They might have disagreed when it came to their feelings toward humanity, but my mother admired his curiosity, his relentless questioning of their Father, and the law they were supposed to follow without question.

My mother saw him as more than just her rebellious brother; she saw someone who wasn't afraid to question things, even if it meant clashing with Heaven. She was one of the few who didn't label him a monster from the start, even as tensions started to simmer. Even though she outwardly reprimanded his thirst to be worshipped.

Michael and Raphael were different, though. They'd always seen Lucifer's doubts as a kind of treason, a break in loyalty. Raphael especially seemed wrapped up in Michael's vision of loyalty and duty, so much so that they completely shut Lucifer out, treating him like an outcast long before he officially became one.

Gabriel, on the other hand, was the family's perpetual jokester. While he managed to keep everyone laughing, I get the feeling it was also his way of staying distant. It's almost as if he was more invested in hiding from the deeper issues than confronting them.

And Michael... Michael saw my mother as an ideal archangel in many ways, but he also saw her focus on humans as a liability, a weakness, even. To him, humanity was little more than a test of obedience. My mother, though, loved humans with a rare kind of patience and compassion, a love that Michael just couldn't seem to understand.

He saw her as devoted yet distracted, her attention to humans almost a betrayal of what it meant to be an angel. It's strange to think that maybe Michael thought he was protecting her from herself.

My mother was in the middle of it all, forced to reconcile her loyalty to her family with her compassion for humanity. She recognized Lucifer's rebellion had to have consequences, but even then, she felt casting him out entirely would cause irreparable harm. She was right about that, as she was about so many things.

I also learned something new—something unsettling. Apparently, my mother had the ability to control mind, but only if her intentions were pure.

If she couldn't reason with someone, if she couldn't calm them down, she could, as a last resort, take over their thoughts and emotions to make them do what was right for themselves.

It sounds overwhelming, and a little terrifying, but it makes sense given her role. The book hints that her role went beyond simple protection; she was a watchman, a guide entrusted with the safety and direction of certain humans.

God had given her more freedom over human will than the other archangels, a unique ability to take control in dire situations, bypassing the usual restrictions other angels faced. Her authority was almost an extension of free will itself, a failsafe that only triggered when disaster loomed, allowing her to steer people toward their true path without them realizing it.

Since I carry her blood, I probably have this ability, too. The question is: Have I been using it without knowing? I can think of times when I managed to reach people who were frantic, and inconsolable—times I just thought I was good with people. But was it something more? Was I unknowingly using my mother's gift?