"Joon's Dia"

(Chapter 76: He Knows)

I couldn't believe my eyes, my mind or my heart for that matter when I saw Kim Namjoon standing by the entrance door of my restaurant. SHIT! FUCK! OMG! The W's and H's of my English lessons came to mind immediately: What was he doing here? How did he find me? Who told him about this place? And OH SHIT! CJ. Did he know about CJ too? I realised I was totally frozen but I felt my heart racing like the racer cars from the Indy 500. On the outside I was motionless but my insides were screaming out madly. OH FUCK!

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Then I remembered getting the feeling earlier that someone was watching me. I wanted to ask Namjoon if he was looking at me during the festival but I couldn't even speak. Then I wondered, did he hear me singing our song? Omg... How is it that after three years of absence, the one day I sing the song we fucked to, was the day and time he showed up? The grin on his face told me he heard me alright.

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But I was still in shock and when my teacup fell from my shaking hand, Ken came into the room. Everything that I held silently inside and everything that I kept a secret from them came out into the open. The cat was literally out of the bag and strange I thought of Yoongi. I remembered him almost ratting me out at the fan signing when he asked me to showcase my talent. Then I realised, I had been thinking about those moments a lot recently.

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After the concerts at Trinidad, Namjoon and I had spent some time with the boys as well as my family but we also had some serious alone time. That, I believe might've been when I got pregnant with CJ. I couldn't remember getting my period after those days. That's probably why I recently kept getting flashbacks about our moments then. But right now, Namjoon was here, in my private space and making me confused. So confused.

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When CJ came flying into the room I thought that was it. Namjoon would realise CJ was his and he would hit the roof but at first he thought that CJ was Ken's. However it was when CJ introduced himself and he said his full name, then I realised that Namjoon had figured out that he was CJ's father and not Ken. I gave CJ the names we had previously talked about when we discussed about having a son: Charles Joon Verne.

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SHIT. Namjoon's face was as shocked as I was when I found out I was pregnant for him. What was this going to mean now? Would Namjoon want to take him back to South Korea? He wouldn't be able to do that because I already had asked my lawyers their advice on this situation. I told them that the child's father could possibly come and try to take him away from me but when I explained the Elder's threat and that the safety of my child was at risk they told me that Namjoon would have no case.

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This was also one of the reasons why I had him in the US. CJ was a US citizen so I know if the Elders found out about him and wanted to carry out any unlawful act, the US officials would also fight for CJ's rights. I hoped it wouldn't come to this but I recalled what I was currently going through with Dom and didn't want the same result. Poor Anni. I made her stop doing what she loved, which was listening and collecting her K-Pop merch but I was also keeping her away from her deranged father. Well until I got word that he was going to be better. Unfortunately right now, that wasn't the case.

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I looked at Namjoon and no matter how much I was still in love with him, no one, not him, his family or any other BTS member could convince me to part with my son. I would literally go down fighting for him. When I saw CJ warming up to Namjoon as they talked about the books they read, my heart felt the warmth of family and love. This was what I wanted: a life with Namjoon, Anni, CJ and me. But that was never going to be possible. Hence my reason for hiring Ken. To give CJ a chance to learn about his culture but knowing now that Ken had feelings for me all this time, I wondered if I should continue down this path. I didn't feel the same way about him and even if Namjoon didn't walk into the restaurant today, I would've still rejected Ken. Technically, I already did because it was earlier today that he told me how he felt about me. Oye! What a tangled web we weave.